I'm going to winter in the Juju crib. Come on in, the water is fine.

Seen on US Hwy 15-501 at Grove intersection, near Durham , NC.

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From the mailbag...Tip of the hat to my friend.

Obituary printed in the London Times...

Interesting and sadly rather true

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

My woman just said to me, "I'm not telling you what to do, or how to do it...I'm telling you how to do it, and what to do...remember that."

What a way to start the day...Monday morning.

You know what pisses me off? I'll tell you.

I live across the street from the 2nd fairway (par 4) of the la dee dah country club around here. They start mowing the damn grass at 7:00am every day. I have no problem with that, except on SAT and SUN. Give me a break...some people like to "sleep in" on weekends.

I have a pretty decent scope, and I've put 'em in the cross-hairs. I wouldn't shoot the mowee, but I just might take out the engines on those damn mowers that are as loud as a pissed off T-Rex...but, before I do that, I'm going to politely ask them to mow the back nine first...on weekends.

If that doesn't work, I'm going to organize the neighborhood...get some tips from a Chicago thug living in Washington, and make 'em an offer. If that doesn't work...well...I can be creative.

I kid you not...I have a mission.

Ripped from a friend.

"Blaming a gun for killing somebody is like blaming a pencil for bad spelling"

--Larry the Cable Guy, NRA Member

Hey man, send me your email address.

My friend Joanie asks, What Bit You ? Good question. Too long for her comments, but she got me thinking.

When I was about 8 years of age, I wrecked my bicycle into a beehive. Got about 30 stings.

A year later, (this is an almost) me and my buddy were damming a creek in the Tennessee woods. We saw a cottonmouth ( water moccasin, and they are aggressive) swimming directly at us. We broke for the bank...too late. It had four choices...his two legs, or my two legs...it chose his left calf, and he was on my right. Have you ever seen anyone bitten by a snake? Not a pleasant thing. His father did the pocket knife x-cut on both the fang marks, and started sucking blood out. It worked, he's still alive, but he spent about a week in the hospital. It was a close call. After that, when out and about in the woods, I always try to keep a shotgun with me. My first was gifted to me by my Grandfather. It wouldn't have done us any good in the creek, but still...it's better to have one and not need it, than to need one and not have it.

Another almost: I was hiking in he Pacific Northwest with some friends when we jumped off a natural Beaver dam. We were about a mile from "the truck" and had no gun. Momma Grizzly Bear with two cubs, about 30 yards away, was pissed...she stood up and roared like you wouldn't believe . We broke...I did a mile through the bush in record time. I would've made a Nigerian proud. I learned then and there, that I'm much more comfortable armed when there is a slight chance you might run into something that is 10 times your size.

Another almost: I was in an old Air Force (F-4 I think) survival raft about 400 yards off the coast of St. Augustine Florida when a 10 foot shark started paying attention to us. It was longer than the raft and came within about 5 feet of us several times. My ass was tight. The swells...now you see it, now you don't. We stopped paddling and got on the rails...drifted in and crashed onto the jetty, and I damn near broke my leg. It was a BIG fish.

Another almost. Climbing out of the Grand Canyon in August one year, I pulled myself over a rock at the top of a switchback, and came face to face with about 30 rattlesnakes. I pushed back and fell / rolled about 50 feet down and busted my ass for certain. I still had 5 miles to the top rim. Long day.

The worst: St. Augustine again. I received a phone call early one morning from my buddy who was in jail...minor infraction...but still needed to be bailed out. I told him I didn't remember where my car was...it was one of those nights...he said, take mine, you know where the keys are. No problem, got his keys and threw my boots into the back seat. Arrived at the county jail, which was surrounded by a tall razor wire fence...got out of the car and put my boots on and laced 'em up...hit the buzzer for access...and double wham. A scorpion tapped me twice on the bottom of my foot. It was in my boot. I was hopping around on one leg trying to get my damn boot off...the cops were laughing, and I was in pain. I got my boot off, poured the (big ass) scorpion out, and smashed it flat. The law finally understood what had happened and took me to the hospital. I'm not normally allergic to stings, but this was different...I started feeling queasy / dizzy almost immediately. I received some injections and slept for 2 days. Seriously, I thought I was going to die.

More later...

...since my partner Stretch had a Inter Vertebral Disk problem (pinched nerve, in this case) that occurs when the disks along the spinal column, which act like shock absorbers, become inflamed or are traumatized. It puts pressure on the nerves exiting the spinal cord, and in his case...his back legs weren't working at all...but he thought everything was fine. He was in no pain. I had two choices...pay a bunch of money or put him down. I chose option one.

This was the result of Option One

He's doing fine...amazing what neurosurgery on his spinal column did. He can still piss with the big dogs, and is still fearless. He acts like nothing happened.

Amazing!!!

A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF REPRESENTATION WE HAVE IN CONGRESS, TRUE STORY:

I don't know if it's true, but it wouldn't surprise me.

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor, she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

Y'all head over to Velociman's crib and throw some good Juju on my good friend KeyBaby. She is responsible for hooking me up with many people, from Acidman to Zonker.

Chanel, a Dachshund, and the oldest known dog, died Aug 28. She celebrated her 21st birthday on May 6, that's 147 in dog years.

German Engineering...they breed 'em to last.

My little buddy Stretch in his new five pocket fly-fishing vest. Pretty cool, and he doesn't mind wearing it.

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her your love, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of sh!t."

A good one from Neptunus Lex.

My woman decided to make 'em out of glass instead of cloth...cool with me. Makes the sunshine look different. Click to enlarge.

Her hanging is a little off to the left, or right, depending on your view. Works for me. I keep a shotgun near by. Just kidding, about the shotgun, that is.

Bwahahahahah!!!

Anyway, she can get all over some stained glass.

My woman went to her doctor this morning. They have a new form for all new and EXISTING patients.

One question was "Do you have a gun in your house?"

Another one was "How many people live in your house?"

Yet another was "Do you have a pet"

Many more unrelated to the business at hand.

She told them it was none of their damn business.

What is going on?

Been getting boo coo reads on this 4+ year old post lately.

Weird!

My boy Velociman is downtown with Another Saturday Night Massacre

Go read it...great post.

Unfortunately, my woman and I have a pretty good sized dose of Toxicodendron Rernix or Rhus vernix ...aka: Poison Sumac.

At least it ain't on my Johnson.

Next time, I think I will opt for a flamethrower rather than a weed eater. I'm serious, Sumac is some bad juju.

Talk about Itch.

I have a German engineered Dog. I also have a German engineered car. Low, really low millage...and I treat it with the same respect I do my teeth. Know what I mean? I'm gonna drive it until the end. Fuck American made vehicles...pieces of shit. I tried, I really did, but I got tired of pouring money into an unreliable piece of junk. Ya think our supreme leader is going to save the American auto industry? Nope...not gonna happen. Fuck socialism and fuck the unions.

It is the perfect road car for two people...has a back seat that might accommodate two five year olds...maybe, but between the trunk and back seat...it is set up for some two person roadwork. I'm talking cross country roadwork. Gonna do a coast to coast trip adventure soon.

Anyway, I took it in for a scheduled checkup and my "assigned personal assistant" (she was cute and not stupid) said you need to do this and that, and if you don't do it now...you'll have to do it sooner rather than later, and it will cost more money. I asked her how much and she told me. I said fuck it...do it. She said...I'm all out of loaners today, but I'm going to rent you a car...should be here in about ten minutes. We'll have yours done by five. No problem.

I drive away in a piece of shit GM or Ford or something or other. Looked like shit on both the inside and outside, but worse...it drove like it looked.

I return later that afternoon to retrieve my car. My "personal assistant for the day" greets me and says the head mechanic wants to talk to me. I'm thinking...Oh fuck...this ain't gonna be good.

Head Mechanic approaches me and says...Mr. Brier, I'd like to buy your car. I looked at him like I looked at my yard Mexicans I just fired. Did not say a word. He continued...your car is in great shape...it was totally manufactured in Germany...has, in my opinion, the best engine they've built in years...and you should be able to get at least a half a million miles on it, if not more.

I passed on his offer. After all, paid cash for it, and after a testament from wrench boy (I mean that in a good way)...who wouldn't keep it. Damn thing will do 145 smooth, and with room to go higher...I've only hit 145 once...scared the shit outta me...but it was tight...damn thing doesn't settle down until about 100. I kid you not. Fine piece of machinery. The faster you go, the tighter it gets. It was built with the German autobahn in mind, and those German engineers understand power plants and suspensions and dogs.

I'm just sayin'

Anyone ever seen a Bobcat in the wild. I have, and I think I saw another one in my backyard last night.

My woman is out of town, and Stretch and I were just hanging in the patch. I was reading and he was just being Stretch...hanging with me. All of a sudden he went ballistic...almost went through a window. I let him out...followed him out, and he was on to something for sure. In the shadows, I saw a huge cat climbing over the fence...saw it's eyes. A Bobcat is considerably larger than a regular domesticated cat, and the one I saw was huge. No mistake. Stretch goes after it...full tilt boogie, and thankfully my fence stopped him. I thought I was dreaming, except I wasn't asleep...this was a big ass cat. Anyway, the cat was adios, and Stretch was relentless with the scent. Ever tried to catch a Dachshund when they're on the thrill of the hunt? No way.

Where I live...we have a bunch of Red Tailed Hawks...Beautiful Birds they are...when my doggie Stretch was a puppy...they stalked him...I kid you not...they were looking for dinner...not protecting their babies. I've also been in my backyard...with a shotgun (that is seriously illegal to fire where I live...backyard that is) to protect my boy. A mature Any Red-Tail is some bad juju. They are much larger and faster than you might imagine. Several times when Stretch was a puppy, I saw hawks patrolling above...one, in a second...put the dive bomb on him...he (Stretch) had no idea what was happening. I did. Anyway, when he was little...I could be found talking Stretch out to do his business with a shotgun...a round ready to go. I'm telling you...when they attack...it happens so fast you won't even know it. So fast, you will most likely miss it. Silent...until the target is in their talons (squealing) being carried away to feed the kids. A small dog is no match for a hungry Red-Tail. Trust me on this.

Look at this woman trying to hide beneath an umbrella.

I do loves me some birds of prey, but I do loves my Wiener more.

Today is the day to do shots of Bourbon and eat some Burgoo.

"This Kentucky Derby, whatever it is--a race, an emotion, a turbulence, an explosion--is one of the most beautiful and violent and satisfying things I have ever experienced."

--John Steinbeck

Can you believe this...

grew into this... Today, he has completed another trip around the sun.

He is a Rascal for sure.

Medical Breakthrough

A French doctor says "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks."

A German doctor says "That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks."

The Russian doctor says "In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks."

An American doctor, not to be outdone, says "You guys are way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work."

...in the Brier Patch...and this ain't it.

Ripped from Vinegar and Honey

...and couldn't find it...and then they got back in the car and continued on. Unbelievable.

Yet another reason to carry a gun

Back in the day, I was living with three of my buddies in a nice beachfront crib on Vilano Beach, FL. We called it the "Circle Y", and we even had a flag flying from the top deck. Upside down peace sign with part of the vertical bar removed. Do you know why we named it that?

It was a Saturday morning, and a bunch of unknowns showed up on our beachfront with small row boats, heavy duty fishing tackle, and a gallons and gallons of chum. Shark fishing from the beach.

This is how they did it: One of 'em would strap on a shoulder harness to hold the pole. Another one of 'em would take the line with the bait attached and a couple of buckets of chum, and row it out a pretty good way...chum it up and drop the line...ride the swells and waves back to shore....and wait. I can tell you one thing for certain...you do not want to be in the water when someone is dumping blood and fish guts close by.

About 10 am. they had something on. About 4 pm. they had it in close enough to see what it was.

In the meantime, this fish was dragging them all over the beach. Unbelievable. There were five of 'em and they had another impromptu rig that they attached to the back of the harness so they could help the "holder of the rod" hang on. They all alternated positions...holding the rod, and holding the rod holder. About six hours later, they were worn out...we were worn out. While they had it on, my buddies and I had called everyone we knew and had a small crowd standing by to help...and we did. I never got the pole, but I did get my ass dragged around holding on to the rod holder.

Everyone wanted to see it.

After about six hours, they had it in knee deep water, and one of 'em waded out with a 12 gauge shotgun and blasted it in the head. He obviously missed the brain, and I'm telling you, that shark went ballistic...damn near got the shooter...it wasn't as tired as we thought. In the end, the shotgun won, but it was too large to drag out of the surf. Enter the jeep. After they killed it, they gaffed it, attached it to chains, and dragged it onto the beach.

It was a 14 ft. Hammerhead. Biggest fish I'd ever seen. There was some talk of a world record, but these guys didn't care...all they wanted was the head, which, after photos were taken, they removed with a chainsaw.

It is said that the hide of a shark is nothing more than miniature teeth. I don't know about that, but I do know if you run your fingertips against the grain, you will draw blood.

I have a photo somewhere, but I can't find it...but I will sooner or later.

It was an interesting day.

I want to start growing my own bullets. Although I understand some of it, I have no clue what is really involved.

If anyone has any clues or advice...I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks...

My friend Catfish is a little under the weather. Think good things...he's straight up downtown.

This is the top 3 in a hold 'em match. Catfish is not the one wearing the black panties on his head. That'd be Acidman.

I swear to the Maker...this was fucking madness. I kid you not...I loaded up my ride early on...the only thing I had in my pocket were my car keys...just in case I had to break for cover on a moments notice.

As I said, I've been doing some pre-spring cleaning, and I've been going through some old journals. I've always kept 'em by day.

Interesting reading...for me anyway.

Journal entry for the 19th of February, 1985.

"Baby to Brixworth"

What this translates to is my first home computer.

It was an IBM System 36, a baby 36 model 5362. I used it for an end-table, among other things. Yeap, I had some twinax running across the floor.

Doing a little pre-spring cleaning and I found my lost book of formulas. Just in case you need to know; the formula for calculating the Theoretical Hull Speed of a vessel powered by sails is:

THS = (the square root of the length of the water line (LWL) multiplied by 1.3)

That should get you close.

Damn, I'd like to meet whomever came up with that one.

Another reason...why I believe it should be law that every American household have a shotgun. If you don't have to shoot a monkey, you can always harvest a Christmas tree.

It took 15 minutes for the police to arrive, and when they did, the fucking monkey ripped the outside mirror off the patrol car, opened the car door, and tried to get in. He was shot several times, and still didn't drop. They needed a bigger gun, or more time at the range.

Unfuckingbelievable

If it was me, that monkey would've been adios in seconds.

I've got one of these and one of these.

Damn things are addicting. Don't leave home without em'.

One problem though...you can't fly with 'em unless you check your luggage. Same ol' song.

Most people hate going to a dentist. I had one when I was a kid I called the Nazi Doctor. I, to this day, believe he was a sadist.

I go to the dentist to have my teeth professionally cleaned by the sonic tool, four times a year. Scraping (torture) with those evil looking tools went out years ago.

I go that often...number one, because I can, number two, because I know how "bad" teeth can affect your life...I've seen people in really bad shape, and they can't be themselves because their teeth are whacked out, and number three,,,because my Dentist is a good friend of mine. We talk politics, among other things...actually he does all the talking because it is hard to talk with all that equipment in your mouth. We talk about lots of things. I listen mostly.

I think they should put three buttons on the arm of the chair. One = green..yes, I agree. Two = red..no, I disagree. Three = yellow..we need to discuss this more when you take all that stuff out of my mouth.

Anyway, years ago I had an abscessed tooth...what appeared to be a perfectly healthy tooth...no filling...it just, all of a sudden, went ballistic on me. I was down on my knee's in pain. I've never experienced pain like that, and I've been "hurt bad" before. I'm thinking gun...it hurt that bad. A friend of mine with several children had one, and she said it hurt more than childbirth. I wouldn't know...I can't imagine more pain than a deep root toothache. Face swollen with infection and all that.

Everyone needs to take care of their teeth, even if it means taking out a loan to do it. It is expensive, but you can't grow another tooth. Better than buying a car.

Whatever...just my opinion.

If you had to choose only one rifle and one handgun that used the exact same rounds...what would it be?

I have a friend who buys antique furniture at garage / estate sales to refurbish. He acquired a "chest of drawers" about ten years ago and left it sitting in his workshop. He was using it to store some tools. The other day, he decided to start work on it. He pulled all the drawers out and discovered a secret compartment about 2X2 inches. He slid the panel off the front and what did he find?

One big ass Diamond that was appraised, by three firms in the know, at between 115k and 150k. It was just a lone diamond wrapped in a small leather pouch.

How cool is that?

I really enjoy some nice fireworks.

Back from vacation.

Anyway, I understand that an extra second will be added to the atomic clocks worldwide tonight at 23:59:61 to ensure the sun is precisely overhead at 12:00 noon everywhere. The last minute of 2008 will have 61 seconds to adjust for the earth's erratic rotation.

I have some friends from Austria visiting this week. Since my dog Stretch is known to be a show-off...he was demonstrating his digging skills. That little rascal dug up a hornets nest and they swarmed...they were pissed. He was stung three times...once on the end of his nose and once on his left paw, and once close to his Johnson. I took four on my forehead, two on my left ear, and two on my right leg. One of my friends took a couple on the arm. The true definition of breaking for cover was illustrated.

Anyway, I called my good buddy Yabu for advice and he said "torch em'". I filled up the hole Stretch dug with gas...found their back door...filled it up as well...and fired 'em up. They are now toast. Good thing I had a hundred foot hose close by, or I would've burned down the neighborhood.

Yabu did not explain "overkill".

All is well in the Brier Patch.

Years ago when I first started this blogging thing, my buddy Dax Montana posted pictures of where he wrote about hunting rabbits with a pickup truck. He ain't dead unless his eyes are open. That is what I learned.

Here are a few pictures of my crib...I know it's a mess, but WTF.

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Independence basically means "not subject to control by others"

God Bless America.

Independence is Freedom, but it is not for free...everyone should understand that.

I'm just sayin'

... of mine will never give up He will do whatever it takes.

...This is a good read. Marco Polo if you can...no wait...James Buckley said that.

...has sprung on the Stretchengeti.

I love this Latitude.

Click for a larger view.

Anyway, here's a photo I took of the Greenland coast from 45,000 feet...on the way home from Reykjavik ...kind of puts things in perspective, ya think?

I

Anybody Home?

His doctors tell me he has the perfect physique. They also tell me he has the best disposition of any Dachshund they know. My dog Stretch has everyone fooled, but I will say, he can back down the big ass chocolate Lab that lives behind us every time. He is fearless, and on my side...which is a good thing. I'm serious, he takes on dogs that out weigh him ten or twenty times...and will not back off.

German Engineered.

This little Rascal is fearless, but really smart. I pay close attention to his shenanigans, and he works it out. He remembers...he learns..and he is as stubborn as anyone can be. He can also dig a hole as deep as he is long in no time.

I've not had to shoot any squirrels, rabbits, or snakes in a while. I think I'm going to get him a buddy, but I really don't know if I could handle two of 'em.

He is one bad-ass ride.

I've lost EVERYTHING in a fire before. I know several others who have as well. Truly some Bad Bad Juju, but if you can get though it...you will be a better person.

I really don't give a fuck if California falls into the sea...fuck the political left (coast), but I feel for all those people who have lost everything, or are about to experience the ultimate loss. When you lose all your stuff, everything, it can be traumatic.

Right, Wrong, or Indifferent...you will lose some memories related to physical stuff...but you will remember that one most important thing later on...years later.

It will make you cry.

They are saying that this is the largest evacuation of people in U.S. history..since the Civil War...

Whoa...Damn...

I wish there was something I could do to help, but I can't.

I wonder if other nations will come to our aid? Like we always do under the same circumstances...I think not.

Fuck 'em all...

People, we stand alone, but hopefully we stand together...just so Hillary Clinton ain't in the mix.

Fuck that bitch.

This was not intended to be a political post...but I will tell you...if we elect a Democrat next time around...we're all fucked. Your children will be more fucked then us.

Just a thought!

I sure as hell didn't know this.

Place a penny in the most shallow tread groove with Lincoln's head down. See the top of his head? The tire should be replaced.

Tire (and vacuum cleaner) salesmen never cease to amaze me.

...I do.

Never take your eyes off her right hand...Never Ever.

It is, what it is...

Everyone has had cottonmouth before...like the morning after you've had way to many cold beverages the night before...but that is not what I'm talking about...I'm talking about a pissed off Water Moccasin.

When I was a young kid, we had a pretty good-sized stream over the hill in the neighborhood. The boys and me dammed it up, and created a three / four foot pool about 30X30 feet. It was in the middle of the woods, and that was one of our places. We had a tree house and everything that goes with it. Very cool. We even had codes.

All of us had our own pellet guns, but they don't do you much good when you're swimming naked or not. They were all on the bank.

Anyway, we're all naked splashing around in our private lake when Jimbo yells, "snake over there". I looked just in time to see a big-ass, 3-4 foot Cottonmouth slide off the bank into the water. This fucker was not afraid of us at all...in fact; I think it was pissed off because it started swimming straight towards me. They're much faster than you think. I'm backing up towards the bank as fast as possible, but realized I couldn't make it before this fucking crazy snake made it to me. I swear to the Maker I was actually worried. I thought to myself, "where am I going to be bitten, and will it kill me?

If anything you experience goes into slow motion...think fast, because it is just an illusion.

Some of my buddies had made it to the bank...they realized the predicament I was in, and while they were grabbing their guns...Billy tossed a Louisville Slugger to me.

Thank you Billy...you bought me all the time I needed. I grabbed that bat and started swinging like a wild man, all the while trying to get out of the water.

This damn snake was coming after my ass. I was his or her closest target.

Seriously, I was really worried.

I yelled, throw me a baseball glove.

The next thing I heard was five or six shots, then pump...pump...pump...pump...reload...and more shots.

To this day, I cannot believe that my buddies were able to shoot a fucking Water Moccasin, swimming zig-zag for my ass...with pellet guns. I cannot believe they hit it.

All in all, I say they shot that bastard about thirty times.

Hell, after we fished it out, and it was way long dead...I shot that fucker myself...just because I knew the code.

We skinned it and hung it above the entrance to our tree house.

To this day, I believe Jimbo has it ...problem is...Jimbo died, so I'm gonna have to get up with his sister and see if we can find it. This is something that needs to be hanging in the Brier Patch.

Bottom line: from a child's point of view...this was one of the first times I understood "FEAR"

If, for some reason, you would like to challenge me...feel free. I love the thrill of he hunt chase.

You might ask why I'm talking about the hunt...or the chase....Just had about a two-hour conversation with my "Best Man".

Life is good...

If you have no friends...you have nothing.

I'm just saying!!!!

A question:

I need a .22 caliber rifle. A good one...one that keeps going and going like the fucking Energizer Bunny. Money is really not an issue, but reliability and stability is.

What are my options?

Do I need a scope?, and if so...what power?

Y'all help me out with this one.

Thanks...

...if your still around...shoot me an email, and a case of Bundy.

Half OverProof

...to my previous post.

Round one goes to me.

Round two begins:

I'm going to have to fight dirty now...no negotiations...him or me...I will cut this motherfucker in fucking half. He is done.

He made a mistake...he underestimated me...it will be his demise.

Life...shit happens...he has no idea how to play the game he started...there are no rules in my frame of mind. Some people are just plain fucking stupid and way out of their league before they realize it.

This motherfucker will not win...period...plain and simple.

I'm really fucking sorry about my fucking language.

I learned it from my buddy Yabu.

Bwahahahahahahahah!!!!

Tomorrow, I will be forced to go head to head with someone I have no respect for. I will win, but it will be bittersweet. The plot will once again thicken, and I will be forced to play the second half of the game..again.

I hate shit like this, but I'm down with me. If I believe in something...the best bet is on me...causing I've thought it through.

Battle Stations.

As my good friend says...she knows who she is..."it is what it is".

Dayum!!!

*** I will find my own way out ***

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine this afternoon and she made me remember how fortunate I am to know some very intelligent people. I've got some Catdaddy friends. Thank you.

I'm making a pot of chili with the peppers and tomatoes I'm growing in my garden. Too bad I didn't have a cow or pig to shoot. Occasionally I feel the need to shoot or stab something.

I've been really busy trying to put some bread on the table so I've neglected my new iMac. Not today. This thing is cooler than sliced bread. Even though, some think, UNIX is an operating system named after a bunch of guys with no nuts...I'm here to tell you this thing will run underwater. I'm starting to slow dance with it. Mac OS is built on top of *NIX.

The problem ...they're expensive, but you've got to pay to play. It is what it is. I was drunk when I bought mine...just kidding.

Bottom line: This iMac client shit is intuitive, and is so much superior to any Windows bullshit...it ain't even funny. I hope I didn't offend anyone, but if I did...wake up and smell the bacon.

It is always safe to slow dance with a guy with no nuts.

Bwahahahahahahahahah!!!!

Did you ever wonder what happens when you're flying a F-16, which only has one engine, and your engine sucks in a bird?

Watch close...you can see it.

You've probably got to jump out of it, and hope for the best.

What is amazing to me is...how calm, cool and collected these guys were with a situation that can only be described as a Major Problem.

I would've said "fuck...fuck...fuck", they said "eject...eject...eject"

If it was me, I'd insist flying something with two engines.

I wonder who wrote this.

Backed in a corner against the cold stone walls of the old Lafitte, I rested and watched one night too damn many years ago to count or really fucking care...

Have you ever been seasick?

I haven't, but I was on a 65 foot Swan about three quarters of the way to the Abacos from South Florida...and it was blowing like hell (steady 45 knots...gusting way higher)...and my buddy had a bad time with it. So bad, he not only had the pukes...he had major vertigo. We thought he might die, and so did he. I swear to the Maker, I've never seen anyone that sick in my life. We were truly worried...out in the ocean, in the middle of nowhere, you are alone. There is no help close by. That is food for thought.

Sailboats are, by physics, much more stable than stinkpots (boats with a motor), but once you're sick...you're sick. There is no getting well until you reach dry ground...and even then it takes time.

They say motion sickness is caused by an imbalance in your inner ear, and by losing sight of the horizon. I can't say for sure, but what I can say is that my buddy was in bad shape. Real bad shape. He had us all worried.

We finally made port, and I kid you not...he couldn't stand without assistance for two days...he was that fucked up.

Funny thing is...We'd been sailing in some pretty good blows before...no problem. This one just got him...I mean I was pulling G's on the fore deck.

It wasn't like this was his first time in some big seas, but it was his first time taking everything for granted.

Live and learn.

You cannot tame Mother Nature. To be completely honest, I was a little worried myself. A 65 footer is a pretty good sized boat, but when you're in the middle of the ocean...can't see anything but BIG swells and waves...no land...it does tend to make you think. Did I mention, it was blowing the squirrels out of the trees?

He got his legs (equilibrium) back in a few days, and everything was good. Shit happens.

One thing I remember...when someone is that sick and there is nothing you can do to help 'em...helpless was defined for me.

My woman and me are heading down to the new and improved Casa Feisty. Gonna buy me some new boots and eat some Dove breasts with a dollop of cream cheese, a slice of Jalapeno, and wrapped in bacon...built by the number one Grillboy.

Get Down is an understatement.

If this wasn't a G rated blog... I'd say that gives me a hard on.

As Yabu would say...Cool Runnings!

Rachel Lucas is back in the saddle again.

Her blog is one of the first I read...this lady is truly a firecracker.

I do loves me anyone with an opinion...especially when they can back it up...and I agree with 'em.

Seriously, she can slow dance with the best.

...Christina has the permanent keys to this crib. She'll be around for as long as she wants. We have a lot in common.

I'm just sayin'

I need some new skates...so, I'm heading down to my good friends crib, who live in Texas, to take care of my minor problem.

If Velociman doesn't show...I'll take care of him as well. Break Left.

Trust me on this...I might even take my dog.

Why do you have three balls that separate posts?

Still testing...I've got some strange things going on.

Another test...my Boots post went to La la Land...

My backyard neighbor has recently adopted an "outside" cat. I have nothing against cats, but this one is driving Stretch absolutely crazy. Stretch can't get to it because of the fence, the damn cat knows this...and taunts him, and that really makes him ballistic. He, Stretch, is keeping the whole damn neighborhood awake with his continous barking. Stretch and I had a talk this morning. I told him my plan, and he agreed

Tonight, I'm gonna shoot that damn cat...jump the fence and recover its body..dispose of it...and be done with it. I checked it out last night...there is enough light to get a clean shot...that cat will be history.

I know nothing. Damn thing moved on as far as I'm concerned.

This is a TEST!!!

Are you Motherfuckers ready to slow dance?

I am.

***Update***

My profanity checker is not working, and I have no idea why

Sorry about that.

Bwahahahahahahah!!!!

It will take me a little to get everything tuned up...but I'll get it done. I love sleeping on some sharp shit...know what I mean?

You got a curfew note?

...ain't old, but she can go downtown with some destruction. You want her on your side.

Is the back door open?

Does this key still work?

We will see.

I've kept journals all my life. I can stack 'em in triple columns from floor to ceiling.

I was reading some of the old stuff tonight.

Amazing...can not even believe that was me.

I do have some tales.

True...at...False.. at...

Where are you at? Where is it at?

Where the hell is the UAE at?

Just so you'll know.

Some of the people bitching at me don't know where the United Arab Emirates is at. They must not know where the Earth is at. How the hell can you bitch at something if you don't know where it's at?

It is between the "A" and the "T". The A, and the fucking T. Do you know where that is at?

Where do you live at?

Bwahathaathaathaat at!!!

I'm not at, where you think I'm at. At least, not now.

Too Funny!!!

I took an old friend fifty miles to the airport the other day. He told me before we left, he didn't think he'd ever been faster than one-hundred miles an hour.

I took care of that.

Lord, Lord, Lord knows I took care of that.

This puppy is fun to drive...fast...it doesn't settle down until about a hundred. 140 - 150 MPH is nothing.

This thing was designed to keep pace on the Auto-Bahn. This thing is a rocket!!! A stable rocket. They should have named it a Messhersmit SM-123.

There is much to be said about German engineering.

Anyway, I'm still here.

Hat tip to Jack.

For Our Democrat Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.


For Our Republican Friends:

Here's wishing all of You a
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

View image

...to start bitchin' again.

Had to take a break.

Know what i mean?

My friend who drives the Tight Ass Cadillac is looking to make some bread.

I know 'im, and I know he's good at what he does...causing I do pretty much the same thing.

Donnie be straight up...

Three periods ...

I am I'm

Quotes "quotes"

Well, It's October 24th, and I'm going to have to turn the heat on. I was hoping to make it till November, but that ain't gonna happen. It is cold as hell in the Brier Patch. Cold as hell? Well, not cold as hell, but 60 degrees (inside) anyway.

Turning the heat on truely means you have accepted the move from one season into another. Forget the calendar.

Damn...I love Fall. So does Stretch...he is wild!!!

From my good friend Chrissy.

Her mother lives in Lake Charles...which got hammered.

"Hey Guys,

I've basically put the same post at Sadie's, Feisty, and Just Us Chickens.

I need to get to my mom in the next few days and need to know what the roads and gas situations are like.

Can you please ask your readers who are between Houston and Lake Charles (and to the immediate north of those areas) for information on gas and roads?

Feel free to post my email: justdotchristina@gmail.com

Your assistance is greatly appreciated.

Many thanks.

Love to all,
Christina"

If anyone can help...I'll make it up to you.

Thanks...Sam

The best BBQ Crabs I've ever had in my life came from a little joint in Port Arthur, Texas.

Looks like it is right in the new projected path of Rita.

Damn!

To my point:

I'm about 120 miles, as the helicopter flies, from the Atlantic coast. We have many hurricanes in North Carolina, and I've experienced 80 MPH winds, here at home, on several occasions. The Cape Fear area, Wrightsville Beach, and Wilmington usually get creamed. They are ground zero.

What's different this year, so far?

There have been no Cape Verde storms.

The hurricanes that most often strike the North Carolina coast, or the Atlantic coast for that matter, develop off the Cape Verde islands, off coast of Africa...Cape Verde-type hurricanes are those Atlantic storms that develop into tropical storms fairly close to the Cape Verde Islands and then become hurricanes long before reaching the Caribbean.

They build early on, and roar across the Atlantic, full force, with nothing to stop 'em, and then slam into the east coast.

What I find interesting is this: These two latest Cat 5's, developed as tropical storms in the northern Caribbean, barely reached Cat 1 Hurricane status before skirting south Florida, and then went Cat 5 ballistic over the Gulf.

This never happens. It’s not global warming…it is something else.

Just my opinion…

Yesterday at 7:34:20 pm, I broke the barrier. Visitor 100,000 stopped by The Brier Patch…and they wern’t from Google.

They came from The Grouchy Old Cripple. How cool is that? I’ve actually gotten toe-up with him.

Denny, dinner is on me in Helen.

How about that girl on the left.

Thanks man…I’ll see you soon.

I've been talking to him for a long time.

For those of you who've stopped by...I appreciate it.

I can relate to the "Tar Baby".

Thank You.

In my opinion, Louisiana (New Orleans in particular) and the Gulf Coasts of Mississippi and Alabama have suffered three disasters.

1. Storm (wind and rain)

2. Flood (water)

3. Scum (people)

I'm just saying.

Anyway, I feel better. I just capped a big-ass squirrel, from my kitchen, on the move, from about 45 yards with my .177 one-pumper. Good shot, if I don’t say so myself.

Damn, there can’t be many left. I’ve already killed 30 or 40 this year…and the year before that…and the year before that…and the year before that…and the year before that.

I liken the yard rats to the scum in NOLA…we should just shoot ‘em, and be done with it.

I've been tagged by Uzi. Better than being shot.

1. Number of books I own:

At least 1,500. They are everywhere...I mean everywhere.

2. Last book I bought:

Lost City by Clive Cussler...an airplane ride book bought in desperation one minute before I boarded. "Specially designed for comfortable reading", which means it's double spaced, is longer, is thicker, and has more pages. Reminds me of something else.

3. Last book I completed:

Pompeii by Robert Harris

4. Five books that mean a lot to me:

I can't even begin to name five...sorry.

5. What are you currently reading?

The World of the Ancient Maya - John S. Henderson

Yabu, whom I met in New Orleans last month, has a blurb up that mirrors my thoughts, exactly.

These people have some Bad Bad Juju goose-stepping through their brains.

What is wrong with these people?

From the INBOX:

If any of you have ever been to a military funeral in which taps were played; this brings out a new meaning of it. Here is something Every American should know. Until I read this, I didn't know, but I checked it out and it's true:

We in the United States have all heard the haunting song, "Taps". It's the song that gives us that lump in our throats and usually tears in our eyes. But, do you know the story behind the song? If not, I think you will be interested to find out about its humble beginnings.

Reportedly, it all began in 1862 during the Civil War, when Union Army Captain Robert Ellicombe was with his men near Harrison's Landing in Virginia The Confederate Army was on the other side of the narrow strip of land.

During the night, Captain Ellicombe heard the moans of a soldier who lay severely wounded on the field. Not knowing if it was a Union or Confederate soldier, the Captain decided to risk his life and bring the stricken man back for medical attention. Crawling on his stomach through the gunfire, the Captain reached the stricken soldier and began pulling him toward his encampment.
When the Captain finally reached his own lines, he discovered it was actually a Confederate soldier, but the soldier was dead.

The Captain lit a lantern and suddenly caught his breath and went numb with shock. In the dim light, he saw the face of the soldier. It was his own son. The boy had been studying music in the South when the war broke out. Without telling his father, the boy enlisted in the Confederate Army.

The following morning, heartbroken, the father asked permission of his superiors to give his son a full military burial, despite his enemy status. His request was only partially granted. The Captain had asked if he could have a group of Army band members play a funeral dirge for his son at the funeral.

The request was turned down since the soldier was a Confederate. But, out of respect for the father, they did say they could give him only one musician. The Captain chose a bugler. He asked the bugler to play a series of musical notes he had found on a piece of paper in the pocket of the dead youth's uniform. This wish was granted.

The haunting melody, we now know as "Taps" ... used at military funerals was born.

The words are ...

Day is done, gone the sun

From the lakes, from the hills
From the sky, all is well.

Safely rest, God is nigh...
Fading light dims the sight

And a star gems the sky ...
Gleaming bright from afar

Drawing nigh falls the night...
Thanks and praise for our days

Neath the sun, neath the stars

Neath the sky, as we go.

This we know .. God is nigh.

I, too, have felt the chills while listening to "Taps" but I have never seen all the words to the song until now. I didn't even know there was more than one verse. I also never knew the story behind the song and I didn't know if you had either so I thought I'd pass it along.

I now have an even deeper respect for the song than I did before.

This is interesting.

...The Crux of the Matter

Today, both sides fail to realize the essential complementarity of science and theology. Science describes the relationship between objects. Theology describes the relationship between persons. Because persons possess bodies, that is, because persons can be treated as objects, science makes the fatal mistake of assuming persons are objects. Because they are so successful at describing the interaction between inanimate objects, scientists then think they can successfully describe the interaction between persons...

Read it here.

Been nuking A BUNCH of comment and ping spam again. If I got a keeper by mistake...Sorry.

I did not say that!

Bwahahahah!!!!

I took care of this problem today. I had to blow off this to do it, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

It was my intention to blow the fucker up (seriously...and anyone who knows me, knows I would do it), but I backed out at the last minute. Also, I got a little folding money for not doing it. It wasn't about the money...it was just too damn hot today for a fire.

Anyway, it is done (or not done) now...time to move forward. It has been a long time since I haven't owned an American vehicle. As much of a patriot as I am...I will not buy shit just because it is made in America.

Sad, but true.

WillyShake points to a truly touching story of triumph.

Go read it.

Atlantic

Arlene
Bret
Cindy
Dennis
Emily
Franklin
Gert
Harvey
Irene
Jose
Katrina
Lee
Maria
Nate
Ophelia
Philippe
Rita
Stan
Tammy
Vince
Wilma

What do you think about Q, U, X, Y, Z ?

I'm not up until 2009.

My friend Zonker just slapped me.

The rules:

* Remove the first name in the list of previous victims (see below).
* Bump everyone up one place.
* Add your blog's name in the #5 spot.

Previously slapped by this meme:

* Feisty Repartee
* Chaos Theory
* Wired JAFA
* Thunder And Roses
* The Brier Patch

I choose to slap the shit out of...

* My Internet Chic
* Dax Montana
* Joe Chew
* Sideshow Blues
* Dash Riprock

Here we go:

1. My first dog...was a huge learning experience for me. I believed his survival was 100 % dependant on me. He taught me many valuable lessons.

2. The comfort and wisdom I received from my parents when I was confused.

3. Learning how to tie knots and "do" math. I can't tell you how these are related...but they are.

4. The sled my Grandfather made for me. It was the fastest in the neighborhood.

5. No stress...I don't recall being stressed about anything,,,ever!

I came home the other day, walked into the bathroom to take a leak, and damn...I now have a wooden pot seat. What's going on with that? Why do people have wooden pot seats? Is it a temperature thing? Wood gets cold, right?

I have no idea.

Do you think this hurt?

Damn...Catfish!

If I have to kill every squirrel and rabbit in the neighborhood to defend my garden, I will.

The last several days, I’ve had no targets, or as the captain in Das Boot said, “We need orders.” This all changed today; my backyard was a target rich environment; I killed all that showed themselves. 100 %.

My gun is a one-shot one-pumper, and I’ve gotten good at speed loading and shooting.

On a seemingly related note, I had a conversation with a woman tree hugger, who gave me up and down the road for shooting squirrels and bunny rabbits.

I told her,” If I were you, I wouldn’t let your dog out, cause I don’t see so well at night.”

That pissed her off.

I was awakened this morning at 5:50 am. with calls of "Farmer McGregor, Farmer McGregor, there are two rabbits in the garden."

My ass was pulled out of bed and informed..."Shoot 'em."

With only one eye open, I broke the barrel and slid a hollow point in, eased the kitchen door open a fraction, drew a bead on a big-ass rabbit not 20 yards away...and missed. Damn, he and his buddy broke for cover.

I could still see his buddy about 40 yards out, so I reloaded and crept outside beside the big tree...braced against it...and sent his ass to rabbit heaven.

He stayed as he lay.

I went back to bed.

I've been under attack again, and if I deleted a legitimate comment, or ping, it was unintentional. I had to nuke about 1900 today, and I got a little carried away.

Been out of town and all…Sorry.

I never post about my livelihood on this blog. Never have, and never will.

But…

This post is about life, and being scared.

I work with an older gentleman, who’s not in the best of health. We’ve worked together for many many years, in several different cities, and have become good friends. His family, what’s left of ‘em, lives a thousand miles away.

When we arrived in this town, he gave me a copy of the keys to his place, and other things…just in case. He always keeps me in the loop about his going ons, appointments, etc. Since I work virtual, we talk every morning, and several times a day, as needed. And sometimes just for the hell of it.

This morning, I didn’t hear from him, couldn’t raise him on his home, cell, or office phones, or email. This has never happened, so I drove to the office in hope of finding him too busy to answer the damn phone.

No such luck, nobody had seen or heard from him. So now, I’m really worried, and I head back to my house to get his key ring out of my safe, and head toward his house.

The whole time I’m thinking, “Please God, let his car NOT BE there.”

It wasn’t…Thank the Maker.

An hour later he called, and I let him have it. All said and done, we laughed it off, but I still worry about him.

National Cell Phone Do Not Call List

In a few weeks, cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies and you will start to receive sales calls. The national DO NOT CALL list blocks your number for 5 years. There are two methods to block your cell phone; (1) call 888-382-1222 from your cell phone or (2) via THIS LINK.

FYI. If you go to this website, you can block multiple cell phone numbers.

This is important information for anyone with a cell phone. If you have seen this already, forgive me.

Just thinking...

I've published one thousand two hundred and eighty six "posts", and they all suck.

Just thinking...

“…If you ain’t caught a rabbit, you ain’t no friend of mine…you ain’t nothing but a hound dog…”

-Elvis Presley

Stretch ran his first rabbit down tonight, and brought it home. Don’t let anyone tell you a Dachshund is a foo foo dog. They might be stubborn, and they are the smallest of hounds, but they are ferocious. He is the Man.

My friend Rico is dead. A car struck him as he walked along a busy road the other night. The force of the impact knocked him out of his shoes, and he died instantly.

Rico was a true friend, but what I call an occasional friend. By this, I mean, I saw him just about every day, but we didn’t really socialize.

He was the dishwasher at my Pub; the Pub I frequented on a daily basis in another city. He was a good man with a huge heart and soul. He was always ready to help me with anything…moving furniture or washing windows, it didn’t matter. He was always there; he wanted to be there.

Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had were with Rico. Everything was “black and white” with him…he played no games…he was what he was, and was proud of it. He had no formal education…he was raised on the streets, but he knew right from wrong, and he knew the truth. He was a great guy.

As I look back, I now realize, when I gave him a Titanium Buck for Christmas one year, it sealed the deal. Rico liked a nice blade. It wasn’t the knife though; it was the thought. He never received anything, from anybody, ever. When he gave me a Christmas present several days after Christmas, I knew they were the gifts someone had given him. What do you say to that? I’ll tell you what…nothing. I graciously accepted them, and choked back my emotions. Rico was all about “the good”.

Rico my friend, I’m going to miss you.

God rest your soul.

Here's the link to the Pulitzer Breaking News Photography prize.

What do you give a Freshman and a Junior in college for a birthday present?

A passport of course.

Traveling outside the United States without a U.S. Passport is a pain in the ass. No mater what anyone tells you, a certified birth certificate is not acceptable, and will cause nothing but unnecessary problems and confusion. A United States Passport is the ONLY way to go. For many reasons.

Get endorsed by the U.S. government…you never know when you might need it…plus, it’s the BEST form of ID that anyone can have, and you never know when you might have to break for cover...Fast.

I’m just saying.

Happy Birthday.

I popped my first squirrel with my new Benjamin 1000. This is one sweet pellet gun, with fiber optic sights, and an adjustable trigger.

I think for this line of work, I prefer the .177 to the .22 caliber pellet. More velocity, greater range. Anyway, I slid a hollow point in the chamber, drew a bead, and popped his ass from about 45 yards.

This is the first time I've killed anything, except a flowerpot, with a hollow point pellet, and I'm impressed. I suspect there will be no need for any "second" mercy shots this season.

The count sheet is on the wall.

Acidman's mother passed away this morning. My mother died three years ago, also under the care of Hospice.

Drop by and pay your respects...Rob is a great guy.

I've been helping a friend move. Pain in the ass...

...and shoulders...and the lower back...and this is bullshit!!!

I received a phone call today from a stranger, who really isn’t a stranger, but really is one, if that makes any sense, which it doesn't, but who cares.

It made my day.

Thanks...

Just Damn!

By Elbert Hubbard (1899)

In all this Cuban business there is one man stands out on the horizon of my memory like Mars at perihelion. When war broke out between Spain & the United States, it was very necessary to communicate quickly with the leader of the Insurgents. Garcia was somewhere in the mountain vastness of Cuba- no one knew where. No mail nor telegraph message could reach him. The President must secure his cooperation, and quickly.

What to do!

Chapter III of the Blog Noir is up over here.

"Look at that pig Angel Eyes."
Tuco

Velociman on chance.

Statement for Dash Riprock.

I have the right to make up words.

Austin Texas is one of the boogieingest towns I've ever been in, and I've been to a bunch.

Another question.

What is your firearm preference for home defense? And why?

Handgun - pistol or revolver?

Shotgun?

What type of ammunition?

Thanks to the Alternate Voice.

Everyone should read this. It kind of puts things in perspective.

INTERNATIONAL THINKING AT ITS BEST!

from Jack...

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, and was treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by an Englishman, using Bill Gates' technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer which uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican and Filipino illegals.

That, my friends, is Globalization

One of my best friends, who was my Best Man in my wedding, was diagnosed with cancer last Thursday.

We go way back, and as is true with all real friends, have had some good times and some bad times. Many more of the good I'm happy to say.

I hope we have many more.

...from my friend Doug.

(1) Zero Gravity

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

(2) Our Constitution

"They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years, and, we're not using it anymore."

(3) Ten Commandments

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse! You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians!

It creates a hostile work environment.

** UPDATE **

As reader Mark points out:

(1) is False

Growing up in Nashville, I was fortunate to rub elbows with some big names. Just lucky. One cannot help who your “across the street neighbor” is.

I’m going to do a little “name dropping”, but, the truth be told, I have many firsthand stories to tell about famous people. I just happened to be in that place at that time. I will tell them sooner or later. Chet Atkins and my father use to get drunk as shit playing poker in our living room. That one’s for much later.

Anyway, my neighbor Neil Matthews was a member of the Jordanaires, who sang back up for Elvis.

Neil’s dog Pepsi, might just as well been mine; she stayed by my side all day every day. She was a Collie who knew how to deal with the goats next door. Beautiful dog.

We lived on a dead end, so there was no traffic; except for me teaching my little brother to drive…I was thirteen, and he was ten, no one ever came up the street.

I'm playing with the dog in the front yard, and a black Cadillac turned into the driveway, and pulled up next to me. The back window was rolled down, and the guy inside says, ”that Pepsi sure is a smart dog”. I didn’t think anything about it, but in hindsight, I said “Yes Sir” to the King. I do remember three or four more cars besides his.

I had no idea who these people were. No idea whatsoever.

The next thing I know, I’m pitching a tennis ball to Elvis, who is throwing it to Pepsi, who is bringing it to him, and then he’s throwing it to me. We’d switch up: He’d throw it to me, and I’d throw it to Pepsi, who’d bring it to me, and I’d toss it to Elvis.

This is no shit.

I was expected to attend the backyard cookout.

I didn’t know how cool that was until my mother told me years later.

If I remember correctly, the King helped me dress my hot dog.

I'm home alone eating hot ass chili, and my beautiful wife calls me from Mexico. I thought she was in California. What is going on with that?

Oh well.

I've been really really really BUSY lately.

I hope to get some slack soon.

Well, it is just me and my puppy for the next eight days. My wife is back on the left coast on business.

Now, I can make some really really hot ass Chili.

There is always some good, with the bad.

I'm just saying.

This has been resolved in my favor. It didn't even make it into overtime. The target was acquired, and destroyed.

Sometimes, you just gotta do, what you gotta do.

Eric expands on the "I'm Not Sick Call."

... and I (Eric) stood by them 100%...

Just go read his blog.

The man is way out of town, yet downtown all the same.

That is all.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all.

Happy Hannukah to all my Jewish friends.

And a HUGE THANK YOU to all of our troops for keeping us SAFE, SOUND, and FREE.

I just returned to The Brier Patch from a clockwise loop through Virginia. When I awoke this morning, it was 11 degrees, and there was about a half inch of ice and a couple of inches of snow. No big deal. Wrong. I was on I-64, I-95, and I-85, and I’ve never seen so many horrible accidents in such a short period of time. I’m not talking fender benders; I’m talking crushed, twisted, unidentifiable masses of metal. People severely hurt or killed.

I don’t care what kind of vehicle you drive, nothing works on ice. Even Yankees can’t drive in that shit. You folks be careful out there.

She's back in stealth mode.

I’m committed, and booked, for a secret hush-hush mission in the near future.

That's all I can say.

I received over two thousand comment spams while I was asleep last night.

If I accidentally banned anyone, it was unintentional. Shoot me an email and I’ll fix it.

I’m amazed how many entries are in my MT-Blacklist table, and I'm really really amazed how many are blocked. My logs are HUGE. These assholes should get a life.

To all you asshole comment spammers:

I swear to God on the graves of my parents, if I ever meet one of you cocksuckers; I will make you eat your nuts. If you happen to be a girl dog, I'll make you eat the nuts of the first bum I find on the sleezy streets you cruise.

I hate you motherfuckers...hate you!

Fuck you!, just FUCK YOU!!!!!!

Assholes!!!!!!!!

I am damn tired of de-spamming The Brier Patch multiple times a day. I say we capture one of �em, film the beheading, and post the video.

Argghhh !

Have you ever thought about winning a lottery?

Juse in case you have, here's what to do before and after you win.

Let me be frank…I can’t right worth a shit. I know it, and y’all know it. I view blogging, for me, as thinking…not righting, so I’m thinking about outsourcing my thoughts to a good writer.

I’m a much better reader and thinker, than I am a righter.

Thank You !

Don't ever, ever, piss on an electric fence.

Just don't do it.

Trust me on this one.

I'm a lazy bastard.

The Fortune Cookie, on my right sidebar, which changes everytime you load or refresh the page, is still just a test-filler file.

Pure rubbish.

I'll be fixing that shortly.

Thanks to my Internet Chic, I now have a Godson.

Head on over to his new crib, and have a cold beverage.

…Hanoi John and that Ambulance Chasing Punk surrendered.

He did the RIGHT thing, and for that, I commend him.

Now, I don’t have to move to California.

My Mischievous Puppy Stretch

Stole the one below from On The Patio

And another.

angrygrrrl, bob, and many others must die. I hope to, some day, come face to face with a comment spammer...cause when I do...it won't be pretty. It will be slow and excruciating.

Anyone else want any of this?

Heard on Imus today.

"Kerry is standing at the bank and the media is driving the get away car".

I recently participated in the Jawja Blogfest from afar...Virtual...Remote.

That clear stuff in the Mason Jar was from Tennessee, not Georgia.

Not that it matters; it seems to have performed quite well.

I'll be at the next one if I have to crawl over broken glass to get there.

Thanks everyone, for your toasts.

After Dax, Acidman, and Key.

You are water. You're not really organic; you're
neither acidic nor basic, yet you're an acid
and a base at the same time. You're strong
willed and opinionated, but relaxed and ready
to flow. So while you often seem worthless,
without you, everything would just not work.
People should definitely drink more of you
every day.


Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

The National Weather Service has issued a warning for yet another catastrophic hurricane following on the heels of Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne. The path of this hurricane flips and flops, and is therefore highly unpredictable.

Experts predict that this one will cause the most damage to the United States that we have experienced in four years. They are naming this one Hurricane Kerry.

Be advised, the only way for citizens to protect themselves is by hiding behind a Bush.

Go give Christina a look see.

I've been busier the last two weeks than I've been in the last two years. I’m trying to get back in the groove, but I still have one major problem to solve. The minor ones are easy; the major ones open your eyes.

Even though my eyes are wide open, I’m not sure I can comprehend what I’m seeing.

Do you know what I’m saying?

I've experienced 90 MPH winds before. But 200 is major bad JuJu...pray for the people in the path.

Long Live the Straight White Guy.

I blatantly ripped this from Acidman, who ripped it from The Capitalist Lion.

Top 9 things Olympic commentators wish they could take back!

1. Weightlifting commentator: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.”

2. Dressage commentator: “This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.”

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”

4. Boxing Analyst: “Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.

5. Softball announcer: “If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.”

6. Basketball analyst: “He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.”

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: “Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.”

8. Soccer commentator: “Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.”

9. Tennis commentator: “One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them… Oh my God, what have I just said?”

Did you know people are doin the Lynndie.

Follow the links.

Do you think this would work with my puppy?

I got a ping from Acidman, and my hits went from treetop level to the Rings of Saturn.

Would that be an Acidlanche?

I’m impressed…Thanks!

...yeap, that would be my wife.

Last night she told me we "look like Riff Raff". What's wrong with that? I like riff raff. I work hard on my image.

The screen door in back has seen better days, so when she awoke this morning, she was off to find a new one and all the associated hardware.

She arrives back home, whips out the power tools, uninstalls the old door, and installs the new one. It didn't fit. No problem...she fires up the sander, and finishes the job.

I didn't do shit. I am still riff raff.

I just realized that I can open and close the windows and sunroof of my car with the remote keypad. Now, I don't know why I need this functionality, but it's still pretty cool. I'll think of something.

The Egyptian vulture, a white bird about the size of a raven, throws stones with its beak to open ostrich eggs to eat. This bird is one of the very few animals that, like man, manipulates objects as tools.

My new puppy, Stretch, likes tomatoes. What’s going on with that? My garden is in danger, but I can’t wait until he tries a Scotch Bonnet. That’ll teach him…maybe.

My choice early in life was either to be a piano-player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference.

Harry S. Truman, 1962

228 years of freedom. Read again...

The Declaration of Independence of the Thirteen Colonies In CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

...Bejus Donnie, is back.

Enough said!

Here's the link.

May you Rest in Peace.

It's a beautiful day here. I'm drinking a fresh ground Kona / Costa Rican blend, and between sneak attacks from the Velocipuppy, reading and linking some great stuff.

Here's another good one, from Snooze Button Dreams.

Strange.

I found this in the comments over at Gut Rumbles on this.

Another one from the Inbox.

Subject: FW: Iraqi "wedding party" details

A great big "thank you" should go out to our wonderful, nonpartisan, American press/media for their concise, accurate coverage of the war in Iraq.

"Wedding Party" Details below.

This morning just wasn’t the same…for my new puppy that is. He went to sleep in a backyard where the only dangers are being dive-bombed by a couple of Central North Carolina Mocking Birds, or a hungry Red-Tailed Hawk. No problem, right?

Wrong…this morning he awoke to a changed landscape. Big ass mushrooms had grown overnight, and he didn’t know what to think of ‘em. He looked at me with that “WTF is this, these weren’t here yesterday” look; and proceeded to bark for the first time. Man he was confused, and pissed.

The attack was on, and I must say, the mushrooms lost.

This new puppy of mine, makes me smile. Actually, he makes me laugh my ass off.

Hat tip to DGCI.

I'm giving five old cell phones to these kids.

Their Mission Statement:

Cell Phones for Soldiers was created by two teenagers, 13 year old Brittany Bergquist and her brother, 12 year old Robbie Bergquist of Norwell Massachusetts. After reading a story about a soldier who ran up a huge phone bill calling home, the two teenagers decided to try and help. Their goal is to try and help our soldiers serving in Iraq and elswhere pay for calls home. They plan to provide as many soldiers as possible with pre-paid cell phones or calling cards. The South Shore Savings Bank in Norwell, Massachusetts set up the account and donated the first $500.00. Brittany and Robbie plan to hold yard sales and other fundraisers to raise money. 100 % of every dollar donated will go to support this effort. Their parents, Bob & Gail Bergquist, are contacting cell phone companies to help out. They are also contacting representatives of the military to put a plan in place to distribute the cell phones and calling cards. They hope to begin the distribution by the Fourth of July.

I'm on board with 'em.

Spread the word.

Following is an excerpt from the remarks made by that raving lunatic Al Gore.

...there is good and evil in every person. And what makes the United States special in the history of nations is our commitment to the rule of law and our carefully constructed system of checks and balances...what happened at the prison, it is now clear, was not the result of random acts by "a few bad apples," it was the natural consequence of the Bush Administration policy that has dismantled those wise constraints and has made war on America's checks and balances...

How in the hell does Gore expect people to believe that the situation at Abu Ghraib was caused by the Bush Administration dismantling the constraints that enforce the checks and balances of our Constitution?

Which constraints? Which checks and balances?

Below, from the National Center for Constitutional Studies are some checks and balances explained.

Someone, please tell me what has changed.

I recently posted a photo depicting the marvels of German engineering.

Here is another example of German engineering. The Velocipuppy. He is fearless, relentless, and thinks he can fly. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is safe around him.

WTF is going on with this. Someone searching for "pictures of bosnian food", ends up in The Brier Patch.

I believe food is art, but trust me, they ain't here.

Oh Well!

Excerpt:

".. it all started with a friendly drink.. we were all buying rounds.."

Eric is ON!

...and probably a good one.

The targets...

Required Reading:

In Atlas Shrugged Ayn Rand wrote that John Galt's enemies "did not want to live; they wanted him to die."

This is a very very good post.

I don't think so.

This is good.

From Crunch Time by baldilocks.

"Frankly, I don’t wish that fate on my worst enemy."

This is so true...

Stolen from the Straight White Guy.....

WTF?

Just copy the list, and put into bold the books you've read. This shouldn't take long:

Beowulf
Achebe, Chinua - Things Fall Apart
Agee, James - A Death in the Family
Austen, Jane - Pride and Prejudice
Baldwin, James - Go Tell It on the Mountain
Beckett, Samuel - Waiting for Godot
Bellow, Saul - The Adventures of Augie March
Bront, Charlotte - Jane Eyre
Bront, Emily - Wuthering Heights
Camus, Albert - The Stranger
Cather, Willa - Death Comes for the Archbishop
Chaucer, Geoffrey - The Canterbury Tales
Chekhov, Anton - The Cherry Orchard
Chopin, Kate - The Awakening
Conrad, Joseph - Heart of Darkness
Cooper, James Fenimore - The Last of the Mohicans
Crane, Stephen - The Red Badge of Courage
Dante - Inferno
de Cervantes, Miguel - Don Quixote
Defoe, Daniel - Robinson Crusoe
Dickens, Charles - A Tale of Two Cities
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor - Crime and Punishment
Douglass, Frederick - Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass
Dreiser, Theodore - An American Tragedy
Dumas, Alexandre - The Three Musketeers
Eliot, George - The Mill on the Floss
Ellison, Ralph - Invisible Man
Emerson, Ralph Waldo - Selected Essays
Faulkner, William - As I Lay Dying
Faulkner, William - The Sound and the Fury
Fielding, Henry - Tom Jones
Fitzgerald, F. Scott - The Great Gatsby
Flaubert, Gustave - Madame Bovary
Ford, Ford Madox - The Good Soldier
Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von - Faust
Golding, William - Lord of the Flies
Hardy, Thomas - Tess of the d'Urbervilles
Hawthorne, Nathaniel - The Scarlet Letter
Heller, Joseph - Catch 22
Hemingway, Ernest - A Farewell to Arms
Homer - The Iliad
Homer - The Odyssey
Hugo, Victor - The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Hurston, Zora Neale - Their Eyes Were Watching God
Huxley, Aldous - Brave New World
Ibsen, Henrik - A Doll's House
James, Henry - The Portrait of a Lady
James, Henry - The Turn of the Screw
Joyce, James - A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Kafka, Franz - The Metamorphosis
Kingston, Maxine Hong - The Woman Warrior
Lee, Harper - To Kill a Mockingbird
Lewis, Sinclair - Babbitt
London, Jack - The Call of the Wild
Mann, Thomas - The Magic Mountain
Marquez, Gabriel García - One Hundred Years of Solitude
Melville, Herman - Bartleby the Scrivener
Melville, Herman - Moby Dick
Miller, Arthur - The Crucible
Morrison, Toni - Beloved
O'Connor, Flannery - A Good Man is Hard to Find
O'Neill, Eugene - Long Day's Journey into Night
Orwell, George - Animal Farm
Pasternak, Boris - Doctor Zhivago
Plath, Sylvia - The Bell Jar
Poe, Edgar Allan - Selected Tales
Proust, Marcel - Swann's Way
Pynchon, Thomas - The Crying of Lot 49
Remarque, Erich Maria - All Quiet on the Western Front
Rostand, Edmond - Cyrano de Bergerac
Roth, Henry - Call It Sleep
Salinger, J.D. - The Catcher in the Rye
Shakespeare, William - Hamlet
Shakespeare, William - Macbeth
Shakespeare, William - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Shakespeare, William - Romeo and Juliet
Shaw, George Bernard - Pygmalion
Shelley, Mary - Frankenstein
Silko, Leslie Marmon - Ceremony
Solzhenitsyn, Alexander - One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich
Sophocles - Antigone
Sophocles - Oedipus Rex
Steinbeck, John - The Grapes of Wrath
Stevenson, Robert Louis - Treasure Island
Stowe, Harriet Beecher - Uncle Tom's Cabin
Swift, Jonathan - Gulliver's Travels
Thackeray, William - Vanity Fair
Thoreau, Henry David - Walden
Tolstoy, Leo - War and Peace
Turgenev, Ivan - Fathers and Sons
Twain, Mark - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Voltaire - Candide
Vonnegut, Kurt Jr. - Slaughterhouse-Five
Walker, Alice - The Color Purple
Wharton, Edith - The House of Mirth
Welty, Eudora - Collected Stories
Whitman, Walt - Leaves of Grass
Wilde, Oscar - The Picture of Dorian Gray
Williams, Tennessee - The Glass Menagerie
Woolf, Virginia - To the Lighthouse
Wright, Richard - Native Son

...there... that wasn't too hard now, was it?..

Chick here, scroll down and read.

If it has been removed, I posted the text down below.

I'm headed to the beach...y'all have a good weekend.

My friend KEY has paid me one hell of a compliment, and I appreciate it.

Thanks…

Not only does this guy have it going on, he's got Chapters.

Good stuff.

The following appeared in the Durham, NC local paper as a letter to the editor.

DAX painted his crib. Check him out. Very cool....

They've got it going on.

Excerpt: "Why did they risk pissing off a supporting faction?"

Jump in here and explore the comments.

I'm on an island off the coast of South Carolina within spittin' distance of Acidman, and I should have contacted him, but I hear he's a wee bit under the weather.

Maybe next time...I do owe him a cold beverage...his Blog was one of the first I read.

Read the rules.

Ann Coulter has.

Excerpt:

...I have news for liberals: Bin Laden is still determined to attack inside the United States! Could they please tell us when and where the next attack will be? Because unless we know that, it's going to be difficult to stop it if we can't search Arabs...

Nice Bush, eh?

My Internet Chic has a new Crib.

Check her out...SWEET!

New Guy on the roll. Check him out.

Stevie from CaughtInTheCrossFire posted THIS in order to help HIM.

Stop by and help 'em out.

I hate Comment Spammers - like this, and like this.

Allah is on!

Bill Whittle has posted Chapter Two.

Go read It's a Trap...

Good stuff...

Human Race Watch dot com is now on the blogroll.

Check 'em out!!

We learned today that in light of the Madrid bombing, France has raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide".

The only two higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaboration."

This is how I will deal with any dirtbags I catch spamming my comments with Porn links.

Ripped from Geoffrey

Well...I'm in Central Pennsylvania and it is snowing like hell....I just can't seem to shake it this year...everywhere I go - it snows and snows and snows...My next planned trip is the South Carolina coast, and the way it's been going, it'll be snowing there.

I'm over it!!!

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.

"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," she says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock.

"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent
valentines to Osama, he'd love every-one a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."

6" to 12"

That is, unless you need a bigger DICK and like to gamble online.

We have more snow forecast for this afternoon, but the accumulation differs depending on which forecast you believe. There are always multiple forecasts for any given area, and in winter, people want to believe the one that is most severe.

On the other hand, in summer, people trust the most favorable forecast.

I wonder why.

My Poster Girl is Downtown.

Y'all go visit her.

Translation: Get your ass back here!!

We miss you. And I think your readers are getting tired of me; they're not talking to me anymore.

The place just hasn't been the same, but I've done the best that I could, and I learned a few things about MT. (I know, I know, "so move already"...I'm gonna, OK?)

Can't wait to see the pics, Sam!

Love, the Poster Girl

This is the state where Howard Dean is currently campaigning.

And, oh what a relief it is. One nightmare down, just a few more to go.

I visited the nightmare today, just to see what he had to say.

He says this: "Health Care for Every American"

Have you ever seen anything scarier in your life?

Sure, the industry needs to be regulated, lest they steamroll us, but after a perusal of what Dean has to say, my conclusion is that the article could have as easily been titled, "Socialism for Every American."

And he's not the only one dishing it, but, hey, at least it's being served on a silver platter...

THE FIRST STEP IS ADMITTING IT:
I, KM, do hereby admit that I am a right-winger, and I want LESS government.

Okay, your turn, left-wingers... Go ahead, admit you want more government.

Key's Hubby: So, uh, happy valentine's day. I was going to get you a card later...

Key: Don't worry about it. We'll celebrate tomorrow or someday next week. All the restaurants are going to be crazy today anyway.

KH: Okay, that sounds good.

*sigh* Hopeless romantics, perhaps no. Married ten years, we are. We will celebrate next week.

I hope everyone had a good one. That includes the lovely couple who spent the holiday on a tropical island...

Happy Valentine's Day, Sam and Barbie!

A young and disgruntled little Howie threw down his baseball cap and rolled up his sleeves, and stared in frustration from atop a small hill, at his only cronies, the little third grade peons.

Hmpf. At least they knew who was top-dog. Apparently, not everybody got the memo. Awww hell, if these freaks are all I've got, I guess I ought to say something. Grrr.

"So maybe you guys noticed that new, tall, freaky kid had the numbers on the basketball court today...
"Yeah, well, we WILL NOT give up!
"We'll go to ball field...
"We'll go to the swingset...
"We WILL SWING on that jungle gym!
"And we WILL TEETER on that TOT!
"We will GO to the slide!
"Then WE WILL GO BACK TO THE BASKETBALL COURT, AND TAKE BACK THE PLAYGROUND!!
"YIPPEEYOWEEYEAHBOY!"

The children stared at him in wonder, they hung out a while. But when he left, they returned to the sandbox where all the other freaks hung out.

Young Howie, wounded and alone, retired to his bedroom, fell on the floor, cried until his face reddened, banged his fists on the floor, and yelled for his mommy... After all, he'd never be second best in her eyes.

We have $50 million for an indoor rain forest in Iowa, and we can't spare a measly $5m for maintenance on the Statue of Liberty?

Come on. So what if she's French? She's a special part of us, an irreplaceable symbol.

Why isn't she a priority?

-KM wants to know. (Article follows.)

Okay, I admit it. I'm a link skimmer.

My attention span sucks.

But I visited a few of my friends today who had linked such unusual stories, that I couldn't help but read every single word.

Kelley and Eric link the story of a guy wearing a very unusual ankle bracelet.

And Jack links the story of a wedding and a funeral, uh, only not in that order.

-Key

THE REAL KERRY

By HOWIE CARR
Source: Drudge, Hat Tip: Young Dave

February 5, 2004 -- BOSTON

ONE of the surest ways to get the phones ringing on any Massachusetts talk-radio show is to ask people to call in and tell their John Kerry stories. The phone lines are soon filled, and most of the stories have a common theme: our junior senator pulling rank on one of his constituents, breaking in line, demanding to pay less (or nothing) or ducking out before the bill arrives.

The tales often have one other common thread. Most end with Sen. Kerry inquiring of the lesser mortal: "Do you know who I am?"

Oh, the evil laughter that escapes me...

For I, Key Monroe, have taken over this domain!

...Okay, now what to do? How about roast Sam?

5 reasons that I have every right to be envious of Sam:

1. He's there, and I'm not.

2. He's better at the whole time management thing. He invited me over, knowing I'll never be able to match his 4 to 5 posts a day, thereby coloring me slack. An accurate depiction? Utterly beside the point.

3. He's got a better house. Okay, so the Star Wars look is a little hard on the eyes, but, hey, permalinks, trackbacks, and NO retarded banners! ...oh my...I MAY just go crazy and trackback to my little heart's content.

4. He lives in Perfect (as seen on Walgreen's commercials). You know the storybook romances, the "true loves," the "soulmates," the relationships that the realists of the world tell us are fairy tales? Yeah well, Sam's got it. He and his lovely wife are living it. They have the sappy, affectionate, appreciative, support each other without getting jealous of each other relationship. If they choose to continue such shameless behavior, they could very well damage the cynical movement that I've come to know and love.

5. He and Barbie are there, and I'm not.

(I would insert pitiful pouty face here, but it doesn't look good on me...)

Do you think we will discover extraterrestrial beings first, or do you think they will discover us? Or, do you think we’ve already been found?

Just curious.

As I mentioned here, I'm very fortunate to have firiends of this caliber.

Here's a letter from one of my binary dreamer friends that you must read.

Do you believe in Karma?

Cool Runnings my friend...

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat and had
grown to be in strong favor for the distribution of all wealth in America. She felt deeply ashamed that her father was rather staunch conservative which she expressed openly.

One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to
higher taxes on the rich and more welfare programs. In the middle of her heart-felt diatribe based upon the lectures she had from her far left professors at her school, he stopped her and asked her point blank, how she was doing in school.

She answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that
it was tough to maintain. That she had to study all the time, never had time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for boyfriends and didn't really have many college friends because of spending all her time studying. That she was taking a more difficult curriculum.

Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Mary."

She replied, "Mary is barely getting by", she continued, "all she has is barely a 2.0 GPA" adding, "and all she takes are easy classes and she never studies." To explain further she continued emotionally, "But Mary is so very popular on campus, college for her is a blast, she goes to all the parties all the time and very often doesn't even show up for classes because she is too hung over."

Her father then asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean'soffice and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your 4.0 GPA and give it to her friend who only had a 2.0." He continued, "That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair equal distribution of GPA."

The daughter, visibly shocked by the father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair! I worked really hard for mine, I did without, and Mary has done little or nothing, she played while I worked really hard!" Her father slowly smiled and said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Author unknown.

Flattered I am.

Sam has asked me to house-sit in two weeks while he is away, and I have eagerly, yet apprehensively accepted.

I only hope that I can do the man justice. I'd hate to disappoint my blog-darling.

Hey, ya know--this is an alright pad. You'd better watch your back, man. I might get comfy here. In twelve days, then...

-Key in the house!

Had to do it. Midnight Rambler? - Nope...

Excerpt:

...so what I'm trying to do is just try to enjoy walking along and enjoy the moment...

All of it is here.

This is a deal...

Like they said - good condition - one owner.

I learned to drive when I was twelve years of age. My father had an old Ford with a “three on the tree”, and it was never a problem. Just seemed natural.

Anyway, I was sixteen years and two days old when I had my first crash, wreck, accident - whatever.

My friends and I had driven out to “Huts” in the country to buy some beer. Back then, everyplace had some joint where you could buy beer – no ID, and no questions asked.

We picked up five cases of short Country Clubs, some PBR, and headed back to town. We were ready for a good night. We were cool beyond belief, and we were interested in the Girls. We could “show off” with the best.

I was T-Boned by a friend of mine, (at least I knew him) and it was amazing nobody was killed – much less injured. The damn passenger side door was smashed in all the way to the radio. Knocked Jimbo and me clear into the back seat on top of Billy, Bill, and Terry.

We were dazed and confused, my Mom’s brand new 327 4 barrel Impala was totaled, and so we threw the beer into the ditch. We weren’t really thinking – know what I mean?

The Cops show up and ask what happened? We all lie. They asked where’d this beer come from? We said, we don’t know – it was just here. He leaned over and picked up a can.

Ice Cold? he asked.

We were busted, but they let us go with a promise to call our parents – which they did.

Damn, the times have changed.

You must add this and this to your stack.

This is good stuff.

Well - my heat is working, but where I'm going in the morning - 11 degrees.

I'll be out and about for a few days - so y'all be cool with it.

Clue - I hope the sniper is too cold to shoot straight.

My damn heat is still out! Damn!

Sunday night, the ceiling in one of my remote locations collapsed over a couple of servers of mine. They were under a "shower" of water for about seven hours, so they are fried. I'm talking burnt weenie sandwich. Damn!

I've been loading operating systems, SQL databases (and populating them), and applications since Monday morning. And that ain't been going as planned either. Damn!

Monday am., we did physical inventories. Damn!

I've got to do some emergency plane tripping over the next week or so. Damn!

My heat should be restored tomorrow, otherwise my cute ass wife will freeze her cute ass off. Damn!

I guess it could be worse.

I'm submerged, or I'm asleep!

More Later - It's been a HELL of a day!!!

The damn heat in my house is out...

One Space Heater is on full tilt boogie, and the other Dyslexic one, is on full boogie tilt.

Whatever!

You've got to read this.

Link via Laura Ingraham.

Hey Ya'll - head on over HERE and wish Donnie well. He had a hell of a New Year's Eve.

Damn - We made it!

We experienced a White Christmas this year. Unintentionally, we were just lucky. It was nice while it lasted.

Anyway, we traveled through three airports, twice, with NO PROBLEMS whatsoever. The TSA folks were professional, courteous, and polite; but they missed some stuff in our carry-on luggage that I would find suspicious. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't testing 'em, but six-inch stained glass crosses would make a formidable weapon. I thought they’d at least have a look. Nope. I had 100 notes, still in the federal wrapper. Did they miss ‘em? Yeap. Can an X-ray machine determine the denominations? Could’ve been a hundred grand. My wife had her Epipen, and did they miss it? Yeap. If you stab someone with that, they’re going down. Even after the drug is injected, the syringe could be deadly.

Do I feel safer? No.

At least I wasn’t asked stupid questions like this.

Yeap - that would be me.

My wife and I entered into an agreement shortly after we were married. Obviously, she'd seen too many shocking results from the infamous Dr. Sam's Hot Wash. You let me wash it, and I can almost guarantee the laundry will be a different color afterwards. I did everything on Hot and Hot – both machines. It might’ve been a different color, but it was always clean. Hell, I’ve invented some new colors and sizes.

So, she does the laundry and I do the kitchen. Always.

She probably did me a favor though; I'd much rather be "Dish Boy" than "Pink Boy".

Link via Scrappleface

Excerpt:

The Institute for Journalistic Standards enforces consistency among its member reporters and editors.

Happy 100th Birthday to Powered Flight!

I've flown a lot of miles in my time, and I've had a lot of "experiences" flying these miles. Following is one of 'em.

A friend and I were flying from point A to point B in a Piper Lance to do a little sailboat racing. It was about 10:00 pm. and we were in a MAJOR thunderstorm. We were unintentionally ascending and descending in 1000 ft. increments. In a matter of seconds. It appeared the lightning bolts were between the tip of the wing and my seat. This was one rough ride; I could barely hold on to my beer. This would’ve been a good flight for a shaken Martini. It was very difficult to pee in a bottle flying through this mess.

Anyway, I looked over at my buddy, Buddy (yeap - that's his name) and said "what ya think"?

Before he could answer, the pilot removed his headset and turned to face us.

These were his exact words: "Do you want me to try to keep going, or do you want me to turn around"?

Ok Ok I know. My Fortune Cookies on my right sidebar suck. It changes every time you access my site or when you hit refresh (this is as it should be), but, the cookies taste bad. Please, send me some of your cookies.

This is still my test file. It is now time to go live with 'em.

Send 'em on.....Thanks

I really would appreciate it.

the guy who came home after playing golf all day and smacked his wife.

She said, "why'd you do that"?

He said, "why not, I've hit everything else fat today"

I am old enough to know better and too young to resist!

I've been asked why I blog. The short answer is "why not? - because I can".

It if it was not for him and her and him and him, I wouldn't.

I enjoy blogging, and that is all that matters.

This morning, I flew all the way to the bottom of Florida and was hit by a damn car. I don't mean another car crashed into my rental car, I mean another car crashed into my ass. I was walking in the rental car lot, and got clipped by someone who probably shouldn't have been driving in the first place.

Here's what happened: I'm walking along between the stripes in the rental car lot, and the next thing I know is I've bounced off a windshield and rolled off a hood. I'm OK, but it scared the bejus outta me. This was only a 3 - 5 mph incident, but it could have been much worse.

With all the noise from planes taking off and landing, and all the people and traffic, you just cannot isolate the sound of one car. All these simultaneous sounds confuse the senses. Plus, this woman was way out of line (as in – driving in the pedestrian stripes).

Oh well, could’ve had a V-8.

There is more below.

Not that it matters, but I'm business tripping for the next week. I'll post when I can.

Have a good week.

Testing my stuff!!!

Thanks from the "new guy" to the "old guy".

I have to say - I like Footy Pajamas period. They are comfortable.

Stealing thunder is bad JuJu!

It will never, ever, happen agian.

Ow - come on - one more time, and that is it.

JUST DAMN!

Enough said.

I think we should stay on "Spring Ahead". I don't wait for a bus in the mornings. The later the sun sets, the better.

You know - when the decision was made to spring ahead or fall back, children didn't have reflective gear. They do now, so what's the big deal?

We should stay ahead.

I want to thank my boy Donnie over at aintdoneit.com for being the first to blogroll me. Me and hims, at some point, gonna do some beers at the Mac.

Thanks Man!!!

CLEARWATER, Fla. — Acting on orders from Gov. Jeb Bush, a hospital began giving fluids to a brain-damaged woman Tuesday, six days after her feeding tube was removed in one of the nation's longest and most bitter right-to-die battles.

This is wrong

Court-appointed doctors have described Schiavo as being in a vegetative state, caused when her heart stopped in 1990 from a suspected chemical imbalance.

They should have let her go 13 years ago

Former Florida Supreme Court Justice Stephen Grimes said it is not clear whether the law will be upheld.

Not clear? Nothing is ever clear with them, except money!

"It presents a new legal issue that I've never heard of," Grimes said.

Bullshit!

Ever hear of Compassion ?

LET HER GO!

Anyway, you can read more here

I'm happily married

I was born In Tennessee

I live in North Carolina, equidistant from the Great Smoky Mountains and the Right Coast

I'm a Southern Gentleman

I like any kind of pepper

I collect hot sauce

I have great friends

I have known my two best friends forever

My wife has blue eyes and soup cooling lips

Favorite card or board game? Chess

I enjoy cooking

Favorite Music? Classical / Blues / Reggae / DMB

Windows or Linux? Linux

Favorite Author? Uncle Remus

I have no children

I can cut a smeller

I'm a life long learner

I like dogs

I believe in Open Source

I do not wear jewelry

I can trash a kitchen

I believe in the right to bear arms.

I grind my own coffee beans

I believe in racial profiling

Iceland is cool

My parents are dead - I miss them

I like golf more than football

I like to travel

I'm a news junky

I like Sushi

I've bungee jumped

I have a great job

I support Israel

Sailboat or Powerboat? Sailboat

Beach or Mountains? Tie

OJ is guilty

Americans speak English

I like Grits

I like Dinosaurs

I think military jet fighters are cool

I wish I knew more about astronomy

I believe Women have intuitions that Men do not

My favorite sound is a baby crying on an airplane

I like sharp blades

I want a tomahawk

I own a totem pole

I wear reading glasses - just damn

I believe fried Okra is good for the soul

I never voted for Clinton

I believe in a starched white shirt and a silk tie - when necessary

I believe everyone should own a shotgun

Money clip or wallet? Money clip

Stereo Speakers? 20 years old

I like storms of any kind

I like to grow vegetables

My best friend owns a beach house - sweet

I support the Military

I like to sit on the porch without no shoes

I believe the future can be seen through one of my wife's kaleidoscopes

I believe in the blogosphere

I believe all good pictures should be framed

I like to wear sandals - with or without socks

My lowest round of golf was an 82

My first plane ride was the last flight of a DC-3

I believe in the Maker

I believe everyone should have an opinion

I've had dinner with Elvis

I've been hot air ballooning

I sunk a Canoe - with all the guns and beer

I've taken several trans-continental train trips

kill -9 works everytime

Favorite place to chill? My home office.

Do you use profanity? Hell yes!

Do you like to make fun of people? Of course!

Naval Officer or Pirate? Pirate

Nationality? American by birth - Southern by the Grace of God

Age? Old enough to know better and too young to resist

Sunrise or Sunset? Sunset

Favorite Cartoon Character? My Wife

Favorite bush? Ha ha - Azalea

The 1st thing I think of in the morning? Polling

Can I read more than one book at a time? Yes

GUI or Command Line? Command Line

I've been sailing in steady 45 knot winds and gusts to 60

Favorite Firewall? Dedicated Linux box