Today...my woman, completed another trip around the sun.

We're loaded...

Are we going to have cake and ice cream?

Nope...we'll be doing this

After all, she is from Kentucky...

I do loves me some hot sauce. I collect bottles as a mater of fact...have about 400 on my shelves. Made some this afternoon. I prefer the "yellow" variety, for some reason. This is Scotch Bonnet sauce my woman just made.

HOT is an understatement. GOOD is an understatement.

If you receive a bottle from me, I really don't like you, or I'm really downtown with you...there ain't no in between.

I swear to the Maker this will make you weak in the knees.

My woman decided this afternoon it was time for some refreshments. She got all over some fresh lemons and burns blue beads clear.

I can't make this shit up.

She made it, and I'm sticking to my story.

Put it like this: I ain't leaving the yard.

Bwahahahahah!!!

I have about 70 jars "put up" so far. My goal is at least 700. We've also frozen so much I'm gonna have to get a larger freezer.

I also have a new source for "burns blue beads clear"...it could be worse.

Dinner last night was Boiled Swiss Army Knife

I've had this knife for about 15 years. Found it in my golf bag next to the bird's nest. Anyway, the pan is a total loss as well.

This is proof positive, I can cook, but it was a little overdone.

My woman was not happy...I'll be doing a little pan shopping today. Time to upgrade. Blade and Pan.

I'm helping a friend out at couple of farmer's markets a couple of half days a week. I get paid in food. This is a small sample of my paycheck.

Damn...forgot the pie.

Let the Canning begin.

I just cut a deal with my new (older) buddy. He came forward...not me. He grows everything that can be grown at this latitude...has some major acreage...wants someone to help him drive his tractors and harvest his vegetables...and be a "sell boy" at the markets. Hours are two half-days a week selling, and a maybe a day on the tractor. . The pay is a brand new Beagle puppy (he has 20 purebred championship Beagles he breeds) and all the fresh vegetables I can take...for the rest of the year. Seemed like a good deal to me...I signed on. I do loves me some fresh vegetables...I do loves me some hound dogs...and my new buddy is a good guy...so is his woman.

I will work for food...and a dog.

I also have been known to do a little rabbit and deer hunting...on the side...part of the deal.

Sometimes, when I drink too much of the potato mash, I start thinking like this guy. You can ask my friends.

My grill girl was on it. Even though we had to use gas instead or charcoal...we were OT at a cabin in Virginia...still good.

Hey Blade.... this is for you.

It was goooooood!!

After reading this and this and this, it brought back a memory from just a few years ago.

I was down at the beach on a Friday night to help prepare the pig we were going to roast the following day. A couple of buddies and I had been boating and drinking all day, and that night we decided to mix up the sauce. It was a huge pig and it was scheduled to go on the pit at 5 am. Anyway, it was dark when we moved all of the ingredients to the porch for the mixing. We always have a formal mixing; so we were still laughing, drinking and mixing when one of my buddies got up to take a leak. We always put a little of everything in the sauce toward the end of the mix and this batch was no exception. My buddy saw a red cup which he thought contained beer, so he grabbed it and dumped it in the pot, we kept on mixing.

My other buddy came back and asked "where's my Spit Cup".

Damn, we just looked at each other and laughed. What else could we do, it was too late to start over.

We didn't tell anyone until after the pig was gone.

This will happen to the best of us.

I'm a pretty good cook, most of the time.

Last night I made a casserole with beef, tomatoes, peppers, onions, cheese, herbs, anything else I could find, and Orecchiette pasta.

My woman said "I'm giving it a 5...because it's fixable"

Damn...at least she is honest.

Bwahahahahah!

Tonight we're having leftovers redux.

Red Beans and Rice with fresh Andouille is the Catdaddy

Almost as good as Christina's Gumbo...and that my friends...is saying a lot.

These ain't bad either... Anyone want to guess what they were? Hint...my boy Riprock was in rare form...

I can tell you one thing for certain...knees and oyster beds don't mix Don't mix at all. I can also say a shot of 151 rum on a knee after it has encountered aforementioned oyster bed will make you fucking ...double fucking... jump...more than once. I could've dunked it if the rim was 50 feet high. I kid you not.

Down on my knees in pain is an understatement to say the least.

Hanging out with my mob can be dangerous.

This is the last living thing in my garden. Bummer, but on the good side I can now till and plant my winter garden. I love this latitude.

I do loves me some jellybeans on occasion.

But I have to admit...

I'm in the jellybean aisle, similar to the coffee bean aisle, in our local grocery. A million different colors. I've got a gallon sack stuffed with about a half a million different flavors, and I dropped it. It was loud...and those fuckers scattered like a cluster bomb. Jellybeans were everywhere.

Damn...that is a shitload of jelly beans...you would not believe how many jellybeans will fit in a gallon sack.

Pure instinct...I looked in all directions, did a quick analysis of the situation, and then broke for cover. The only witness was laughing her ass off...as I did...all the way home.

Bottom line is I'll have to fess up sooner than later, but it was damn funny at the time. I know they have me on tape. I can only hope they laughed as hard as that nice lady who witnessed the whole thing.

Anyone want to go shopping with me?

Bwahahahahahahah!!!

If you don't here from me soon...I'm in jail.

I need a bigger window sill.

My garden is rocking like you wouldn't believe. This early. I have hundreds of tomatoes, of various types, in various stages of ripeness. I have more cucumbers and squash than I can possibly eat...the okra and eggplant are looking good. I've got more peppers than I know what to do with.

My Herb Garden is also on fire...unbelievable. Damn shrubs...those plants are.

Anyway, I'm talking about the reproduction of seed plants and cross pollination. I have cucumbers that are shaped like squash. I have squash shaped like cucumbers. I have peppers like I've never tasted before. Yellow peppers that are hotter than any I've ever had. Japeleno peppers that are hotter and have a different flavor than any I've ever eaten. My cayennes are so hot they are dangerous. The pobalanos are a different shade of green than usual. I have nuclear cherry peppers. I have some mystery peppers that are absolutely delicious.

My habaneros are just beginning to think about it. Can't wait to see what happens with them.

...and on and on and on...everything is different about this garden.

I've been visited by the Hot Cross Pollination God...which is good because I like hot stuff, but you must be very careful with her...she can, and will, make you break for cover.

She is full of surprises.

OK...here's the deal.

My sweet baby woman has not had a candy bar in over ten years.

She is ready and able now.

If you were in the same situation...WHAT WOULD YOU EAT?

I don't talk about sex on this blog, but I just received a package that is downright orgasmic.

Dayum...I'm in shock...Reproduction is in order.

Thank you my friend.

...or knowing whats going on around you.

I have a great deal of admiration for a Waffle House cook...yes I do...even when I'm drunk. It never ceases to amaze me that these short order cooks can take multiple orders from every direction, and not fuck it up. They just keep flipping and scooting and plating and starting over again.

Concentration defined.

About twenty of us, and about twenty more of another group, hit one the other early morn. Everyone was toast...but not the grill girl...she had everyone's order ready at about the same time...and they were accurate. Amazing.

Of course, we had to wait out the Cops parked across the street.

Bwahahahahahah!!!

I do loves me some good food.

Yesterday, my woman and I made a pot of Easy Drunken Crawfish EtouChristina. We took three of her recipes and created one. I swear to the Maker...I was weak in the knees.

I would post a picture, but I ate it. It was that good.

Damn!!!

Every year we make Burgoo on Kentucky Derby Day...except when it falls on Beaner Mayonnaise Day.

In honor of that, today, we'll be having beanrolls.

The Recipe:

Just throw a bunch of shit in a pot and cook it low all day.

You need a nice pot, food processor, some Tequila, some beers, and most importantly...some good Kentucky Bourbon...Crystal Shot glasses won't hurt.

- Soak red, white, and black beans overnight.
- 1st thing in the morning...wash 'em...throw 'em in a pot and boil the devil out of 'em.
- Start another pot
- Throw a bunch of peppers, onions, beef, spices, garlic, tomatoes, tomato sauce, and whatever else you find in the back of your refrigerator into the second pot.
- Add more Peppers and more spice.
- Add beans
- Put everything into a bigger third pot. This should not be necessary, but I never get it right the first time. This is why I have many big pots...I always make too much.
- Make some fresh Guacamole
- Throw in a can of Ro-tel
- Do a shot of Patron
- Fry up some flour and corn chips.
- Do another shot, and then decide to make Margaritas...also, add a shot to the pot...just for the hell of it.
- Keep doing shots.
- Cook it all day long.
- In individual casserole dishes.. wrap what is in pot #3 in flour or corn tortillas...Add a shitload of cheese, and top with freshly sliced habanero.
- Throw it in the oven and cook it. I have no idea about the temperature...I just eyeball it...usually seeing two by then.
- Sing My Old Kentucky Home....Ladies and Gentleman...I give you the University of Kentucky Band.
- While the Beanrolls are cooking and the race is running...do a shot of Bourbon in a crystal shot glass and watch the race...it only takes about two minutes.

After that, you're on your own.

Just another day in the Brier Patch...and by the way...my woman is from Kentucky

I was having a conversation with one of my good friends, who is a DDS, and he was telling me that children are getting many more cavities than they were years ago. You know why? Their parents are feeding them bottled water. Until recently, bottled water had no Fluoride. It can be argued that the bottled water revolution has led to the demise of oral hygiene. The sales for bottled water are estimated to be between $50 and $100 billion (US) annually. Can you believe that? That is some folding money.

I'm not saying I don't drink bottled water, I do, but I am saying there are three things I hate to pay for...bottled water, ice, and wood.

Was it not the French who started this bottled water stuff in the first place?

Fuck the French.

Seriously, I'm not plugging any product for anyone...but there are several "toothpastes" that contain boo coo sodium fluoride. My friend tells me you need at least 1.1% sodium fluoride. It costs a little more, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Bad teeth equals big life problems. I know some people who are in some deep shit. You cannot grow new teeth. Once they're fucked...you're fucked.

We made one tonight. The dough / crust was absolutely perfect. The fresh Scotch Bonnets were, how do I say it...the hottest *^#$@!+_*^($@ damn things imaginable...If you don't hear from me tomorrow...I'm dead.

Eaten raw, these peppers are known to cause dizziness, numbness of hands and cheeks, among other things.

Does anyone know of anything hotter than a Scotch Bonnet?

Don't give me that Thai Pepper bullshit...that dog won't hunt.

Is there anything hotter? I do loves me an Endorphin Rush

I swear to the Maker.

Today is Shrove Tuesday, which means it is Pancake Day. I'll be getting all over some blueberry and banana pancakes, and doing shots of Patron in honor of the ringing of the curfew bell.

Bad Joss not to eat pancakes today.

The Datil Pepper is one of a kind.

Most Datil peppers are made into a hot sauce, but trust me, you can eat 'em raw...and you will never forget it. Never...

I'm testing "quotes"... 'nevermind'

...

This is the beginning of an omelet made from peppers I grew this year.

Pablano
Habanero
Cayenne
Jalapeno
Tabasco
Banana
Serrano

And a bunch of garlic.

It was too hot to eat.

As you know…I often cook with fresh Habaneros. If you see something that resembles a Space Shuttle launch in the southeast sky…don’t be alarmed.

It is my ass.

Love ‘em & hate ‘em…

I'm into the pain...the endorphin rush!!!

It changes with the seasons. I can’t really say I favor one over another. I can find something good, and bad, with all of ‘em.

Right now, my favorite is summer. There is nothing like fresh home grown vegetables and herbs. Walking into the garden, and picking what you need, right now, is way too cool. Putting up all you can, eating all you can, and giving away the rest is also very cool. We’re good to go for fall, winter and spring.

As I’ve just said, we grow more than enough for us to eat, put up for winter, and give away…but I want a bigger garden. Next year, I’m doing it. I like giving away fresh vegetables. I’ll just find more people who’ll take ‘em.

Shouldn’t be too hard.

Tonight, we’re making Ravioli from scratch. Since my vegetable garden is “nuclear” this year, and our herb garden looks like it has been grown in Cambodia, and since we can’t eat, “put up”, or give it all away, we’ll be stuffing some of ‘em with fresh Habanero, cheese and herbs.

This will be interesting.

It took me years to learn how to prepare a Habanero chili. It is all in the cut. The seeds will flat out make you miserable, but can be controlled or tamed by moderation. The remaining temperature is controlled not only by the seeds, but also by the pulp or meat. In other words, you can control the heat…just wear rubber gloves while doing it.

I love the flavor of Habanero, but you’ve got to be careful with ‘em; otherwise they will burn your ass. Literally.

So tonight…Habanero Ravioli it is.

A week ago today, I said goodbye to a bunch of good friends. So, today, in their honor, I’m firing up a huge pot of Red Beans and Rice.

Salute!

Generally, on Saturday or Sunday, I cook a major meal; the kind of production that makes my kitchen resemble the aftermath of a natural disaster similar to the eruption of Vesuvius. I’m telling you, I can trash a kitchen.

Anyway, not this weekend. I’ve spent all my time doing network backup stuff, tweaking my firewall, cleaning (out) my garage, reading, and doing patrols with Stretch. Actually, it has been a quite relaxing weekend.

Last night we had curried grilled / roasted vegetables, curried filet minion wrapped in bacon, over rice. Some good wine…some good bread…some good conversation…and, some good leftovers. Killer!

Today, I’m making curried pasta. I started with a tomato base, threw the remainder of the vegetables in, and added some fresh yellow peppers and herbs from the garden.

I have no idea how this will taste, but it smells damn good.

We’ll see.

About eight years ago, I awoke one morning and couldn’t stand the taste of chicken. I absolutely hated it. I could not eat it, and I have no idea why. Maybe a dream I don’t remember.

About three weeks ago, I awoke and had a craving for chicken. No recollection of a dream, but since then, I’ve eaten boo coo chicken. Baked, broiled, fried, grilled…every way but raw. I love it.

Funny how stuff like this happens.

I loves me a good Pimento Cheese Sandwich. Yes I do. On of the best I’ve ever had, was here. Commercial, that is. Years ago, I started putting fresh Jalapenos in ‘em, but have since moved forward to Habaneros.

I was just thinking: Ain’t nothing like a Habanero Pimento Cheese Sandwich.

Looking a little rough in the back, but...

My garden is tilled

My Gator is on post

Time

To

Plant

Now

It's all about the spacing math...

Spring is just around the corner, which means I'm thinking about planting my garden. The problem is, I've let the squirrel population get out of hand for the last six months. They breed twice a year. I guess you could say, on the up side, I'll have more targets.

I live within the city limits, across the street from a golf course, so I can�t whip out the 12 gauge, or even a .410. In the past, I�ve used a .22 pellet rifle, but that was too much banana, the larger size pellet that is. Now, on the way, I have, a .177 Benjamin 1100 fps, break barrel one pumper. Silent and deadly. I downshifted to a 177 because it�s more effective for �inside the city limits� squirrel popping.

I'm going to kill 'em all. I like vegetables more than I mind killing squirrels.

A large mug of dark roast coffee, with two shots of espresso. After a couple of these, you are ready. I don’t know for what, but you are ready.

I have a female relative I don’t care for. Actually, I can’t stand that bitch, so I’m going to send her a box of dog biscuits, and blame it on the Red Eye.

Someone gave me a bottle of "Missouri" Wine.

This shit is worse than North Carolina wine, if that’s possible.

Sorry, I had to “pour it out”, because it was awful, but rest assured, I’ll put a candle in the bottle.

You never know.

Cooked or Raw, it doesn't matter to me.

I read this and this, and it made me think of the extreme.

I absolutely love fresh Sushi. I had some down on Pike Street in Seattle the other day that was still doing the wiggle when they brought it out. I mean it was crawling off the plate.

Some good Sake, and some more good Sake. Life is good.

There’s something to be said for eating a meal…that isn’t dead yet.

That's why God invented Wasibi.

"...It's a semantic thing: No brain, no pain,..."

I’ve always wondered if that squeaking was a cry for help.

I feel better now.

Twenty-five of us went to a wine tasting yesterday afternoon, which turned into more of a wine drinking than a tasting. Since I was responsible for putting this little outing together, my only requirement was no French wine. I am still enthusiastically boycotting the spineless froggies. Anyway, we consumed mass quantities of the following, and they all tasted pretty good toward the end, I think.

*Lurton Pinot Gris (Argentina)
*Kiona Chardonnay (California)
*Morgan Chardonnay (California)
*Concannon Petite Sirah (California)
*Warburn Shiraz (S.E. Australia)
*Casa de la Ermita Crianza (Spain)
*Terra Valentine Cabernet Sauvignon (California)

Afterward, we loaded up a couple of mixed cases and came over to my house for dinner and more wine tasting. Everything was moving along just fine until we started doing shots of Henry McKenna #253 barreled on March 16, 1994. That is some mellow whiskey, but too many shots of anything is a bad idea, unless you like feeling like you’re in outer space the following day, which I do, and am, I think.

On a seemingly unrelated matter, and for all you bourbon drinkers, remember this:

The French own Wild Turkey.

We're having twenty people over for dinner Wednesday night.

Damn, I need a bigger table house.

My friend Dash, has a great post on some good eating.

You decide.

I don't usually post about food, but since what I do post about is not palatable to most people, here goes.

Quick Meal

My wife is off working her ass off making money some change, so I’m on my own. I’m hungry. This is all about the prep.

Turn on the oven. Max temperature.

Take the oldest, hottest ass, jar of pre-opened Habanero salsa out of the refrigerator. Ignore the date and place it on top of the stove. The date doesn’t matter in situations like this. What matters is room temperature.

Throw a stick of butter up there with it. Who cares about the mess? While you’re at it, butter a couple slices of bread. Doesn’t matter what kind…just so it doesn’t have any penicillin growing, you’ll be ok. On second thought, you might need the antibiotic.

Heat a French cast iron skillet, with the butter, which should be soft by now. Even if the butter has been sitting out for a couple of days, you’ll be OK. Trust me.

Locate and finely dice whatever vegetables you can find. These will not be in the crisper, but you can find ‘em. I always do. Throw ‘em in the French skillet.

At this point, it’s a good idea to turn all the fans on high.

Beat all the eggs you can find. It doesn’t matter how many cartons they were in, and neither does the date. Trust me.

Throw the bread in the oven.

Cheese lasts forever, so just grab some. Don’t worry about the mold. Mold is flavor

When the skillet is so hot you can’t get close to it, throw all that shit in, and stand back.

After the fans suck all the smoke up, pour it on the toast, and eat it right off stove.

One huge benefit of this “quick meal” is that, by using a French skillet, you have no dishes to clean. Just throw it away.

It really is good.

If you don’t hear from me tomorrow, I’m dead…

***UPDATED***

Have you ever done this? I have, on multiple occasions.

There were so many dishes piled up in the sink, on the counter, on the dining room table, I just threw 'em away. The whole lot...everything, plates, bowls, silverware, glasses, and mugs...everything. Gone. It is a good feeling.

That's the proper way to speed clean a kitchen.

...so I just took advantage of leftovers, and invented a new sandwich.

1. 24 hour old blueberry pancakes.

2. Big ass slab of pepper cheese.

3. Mustard and Horseradish.

Damn, that was good.

I’ve used Vodka to sterilize a wound, but never my silverware.

Works for me.

...just don't think about it.

******

The Brier Patch will be serving a little something different this year for Thanksgiving.

******

Take one large shark, gut and discard the innards, the cartilage and the head. Cut flesh into large pieces.Wash in running water to get all slime and blood off. Dig a large hole in coarse gravel, preferably down by the sea and far from the nearest inhabited house - this is to make sure the smell doesn't bother anybody. Put in the shark pieces, and press them well together. It's best to do this when the weather is fairly warm (but not hot), as it hastens the curing process. Cover with more gravel and put heavy rocks on top to press down. Leave for 6-7 weeks (in summer) to 2-3 months (in winter). During this time, fluid will drain from the shark flesh, and putrefication will set in.

When the shark is soft and smells like ammonia...

Seriously, when I was in Iceland I almost ate some, but to tell you the truth...I don't think you can get that drunk.

I was slicing Okra for a little Jambalaya we were cooking last night, when I cut the shit out of my thumb. Yeap, I put Okra in everything, if it’s fresh. Anyway, I was bleeding like a “stuck pig”. I think it was a two or three stitcher.

My beautiful wife, who runs the Trauma center in the Brier Patch, turned on the lights and siren, and broke for the medical locker…bad news, we only had 3 small band-aids, but we had some liquid band-aid. That shit is amazing…Star Trek amazing!

She gopped a big ass wad on my thumb, and presto…sealed. I slept well.

28 hours later:

Yeah, well maybe, maybe not. Now, I’m put together with some gauze and electrical tape…but it works. I think…I hope.

You gotta love technology. Liquid whatever.

We once lived somewhere, I can't remember where, although I think it was Knoxville, but it really doesn't matter. They had good bait.

Wherever it was, it was when I discovered that Yoski was right...I like a Quail Egg in my Sake. He taught me the only way to appreciate sake, is to bust a Quail egg in it...the first glass shot, and slam it. He was so right.

Me, and "Soup Cooling Lips" would head out for some bait and sake, and, as usual, ended up at the friendly neighborhood Sushi Bar. It had that "ting ting atmosphere".

Yoski, the Sushi chef, and I became friends, probably because I knew the importance of his "tip jar", but friends nonetheless.

Anyway, he was good at what he did, he was proud of what he did; he had been trained to do it...and do it well. A very interesting guy. A very intense person...proud of his trade.

He was left-handed.

I've always appreciated a nice blade, and I've always known the Japanese produced some of the finest...but I never realized they took it all the way down to the bait knife.

That's right...they fold the steel for the blades of their Sushi knives with the same meticulousness and craftsmanship as a Katana. They even angle the edge to serve the end-users preference...Left or Right hand.

Now, he had a beautiful knife…but it would only serve a left-handed person…I held, and tried the angle…but it wouldn’t work for me…I’m right handed.

I think everyone needs to appreciate this.

Where I grew up in Tennessee, we had many streams full of trout. We didn’t just go fly fishing for Rainbows, we went out to lunch.

We’d take a large cast iron skillet and all the ingredients for the best pan-fried trout I’ve ever had. After we built the fire, seasoned the skillet, and put the hoecakes on, we’d start casting flies.

Sometimes we cheated and used corn, but not often.

Anyway, we’d catch one; gut and fillet it, and immediately throw it in the pan while it was still wiggling. Now, that is some fresh fish, and a great meal.

Wash it down with some cold beverages, and we were good to go.

Eggplant Pirogues that is....

A pirogue is a type of canoe used in the bayous for fishing and traveling in the southern part of Louisiana.

Tonight, I'm going to "hollow out" some eggplants, and make my own longboats.

I'm going to fill 'em with:

Shrimp, Peppers, Onions, Mushrooms, Celery, Cheese, Bread Crumbs, and various spices.

If I post something later, they were good.

If not, I'm dead.

Have a good night.

***UPDATE***

This one is going in the book.

We picked our first mess of Kentucky Pole Beans, and man.... they were good!

Combined with some fresh tomatoes and hoe cakes; that is some good eatin’.

Hoe cakes are a traditional Southern cornmeal pancake that are supposed to have been so-named because they were originally cooked on the blade of a hoe over an open fire.

I always substitute an iron skillet for the hoe blade, but I’ll give the blade a try sometime.

My wife has food allergies. I don’t mean a little rash and some itching; I mean Anaphylactic Shock.

We’ve been married for ten years, and three years into our marriage; she just “grew into them”. We had just moved from Tennessee to Georgia.

After five trips to the emergency room, in three weeks, and numerous visits to several Allergists, they still didn’t have a clue. She was keeping a journal of everything she ingested, by amounts and time.

At first, they thought she was suffering from a phenomenon called “Exercise Induced Anaphylaxis”, which is caused (they believed in her case) by eating (1) lettuce, or (2) celery, within thirty minutes prior to any aerobic exercise. I’m not making this up.

After this theory didn’t pan out, she had the full battery of tests. The doctors tortured my wife. They pricked her back and arms (with needles infected with the genetic grunge of food groups and everything known to grow in the environment) hundreds of times in an effort to cause a reaction.

Well, they got one. Actually, they got several.

It was determined she is allergic to Soy, Peanuts, Pecans, and just about every type of pollen known to man. So, for the environmental stuff, they made up a batch of special serum, unique to her physiology. She had to receive injections of this concoction twice a week. She said, depending on who administered the shot, that it either hurt, or hurt like hell. When we moved from Georgia to North Carolina, she had the full battery of tests again, and the results were different from the Georgia tests. She was allergic to more, and different, environmental things. This is Voodoo, so she weaned herself; no more injections, and all is well.

Food is a different matter altogether. Still - no soy, peanuts, or pecans. Forget the peanuts and pecans; do you realize what they put soy in? Just about everything, for example, it’s in the chocolate made in PA, and 99% of all “store bought” breads, tomato sauces, ice cream, etc. I could go on and on, but the bottom line is that it is in just about everything you buy at a grocery store. If you don’t believe me, read the labels, you will be amazed.

Needless to say, this forced a major lifestyle change:

The Bad:

It is very difficult to eat out. We must go to a restaurant where there is a real chef who understands the problem, and is willing and able, if necessary, to “whip up something special” for her. It also helps if the servers understand. On a side note, I’ve learned to call ahead.

This holds true for eating at someone’s house. The constant explaining gets old. Most people have never heard of food allergies or anaphylactic shock. They think there’s something wrong with her (a disease or something), and that makes me angry.

The Good:

We cook everything all the time, so we’ve gotten incredibility good at it.

We eat better, so we feel better.

We don’t eat any fast food. Zero.

We’ve learned how to travel with food. I mean driving, and plane tripping. Believe it or not, this is very important. Planning ahead is key to a successful mission.

In conclusion:

Thank God they don’t put soy in beer, wine or whiskey.

…and the Bottom Line is: We can always find the good, in the bad and the ugly.

How to control a Habanero.

(3) steps.

1. Flesh = World Class Taste

2. Veins = World Class Hot

3. Seeds = Hotter than you can possibility imagine.

Combine all three, or eat the whole pepper...and it is possible you might die.

I'm just saying...

…my wife is going out of town tomorrow, and I’ve got myself a couple of Ho’s lined up.

...why I love Georgia.

Vidalia Onions.

They are good for the soul.

Last weekend, we cooked a 115 lb. pig in honor of my friend’s birthday that ends in zero. The chief pig cooker likes a little pinch between his cheek and gum, and always has a spit bottle nearby.

We were on the porch (2:00 am.) with several gallon jugs, and all the ingredients to build some marinade and hot sauce for the cooking. I must be honest…we’d been drinking. Anyway, we were throwing in a little of this, and a little of that…doing a little quality control, and throwing in a little more of this and that.

To make a long story short…the pig cook leaves to visit the head, and while he was gone the contents of the spit bottle went in the pot...by mistake!

I mean, it was dark, and there were a lot of bottles on the table...looked like a normal beer to the birthday boy.

It was too late in the game to start over, so we didn’t tell anyone until after they’d eaten.

It was the best pig I’ve ever had…but damn…Skoal juice?

Several years ago, a mob of us headed over to the South Carolina coast for some golf, fishing and relaxation. One of us is a world-class chef; and every night he prepared a magnificent dinner…fresh fish, shellfish, fruits, vegetables, and breads.

The next morning, after one such meal, we were loading up for another full day of fishing and drinking cold beverages, and I couldn’t find the bait. We had a large sack of shrimp that had been in the sun and nasty ass bilge water for twelve hours the previous day…and it wasn’t where I’d left it. I finally asked the cook if he’d seen the bait…and he asked what bait. I said…you know, that big sack of shrimp…Silence…

… He replied…damn, we ate it. I didn’t realize it was bait, and I cooked it last night…is everyone all right?

That’s right…we ate the bait.

I told my wife we should get a couple of long necks.

This is not what I had in mind.

One luxury I afford myself is a pot of freshly ground coffee every morning. I’ll have a cup or two while I check my systems, and then pour one for the road. That’s it I’m done.

I’ve been known to have four or five different types of beans on hand, and I mix ‘em in search of the “perfect cup”. I also document this…my personal blend…so when I find it, I’ll be able to reproduce it. …Still searching…

There is one problem with this custom, and it’s the noise.

Electric coffee bean grinders are so loud; they’ll make the squirrels break for cover.

No one should have to wake up to a chainsaw in the kitchen!!!

It’s very irritating, but worth it.

I guess I could have a V-8.

This is the real deal. I'm looking for an excuse to crack it.

I had a violent dinner last night….I had to beat the shit out of the veal and gut the peppers. Not to mention the cheese (shredded) and eggs (liquefied). I boiled the vegetables alive.

Afterwards...I broke the plates.

Good news is – “I Won”.

Everyday, while in the islands, we awarded a blue ribbon to the person who was most likely to feel bad the following morning. As it turned out, it was just a prediction, because after a day of sun and saltwater, combined with fresh crustaceans, fish, fruit, and vegetables, you could drink as much as you wanted, and still feel fine the next morning.

This is how one of my mob earned his:

Making drinks in the dark.

Ingredients:

Nighttime
1 large opaque cup
Ice
Rum
Fruit Juices
Nutmeg

Directions – Eyeball It

Fill cup with ice
Add rum
Add everything else.
Hope for the best

These drinks were rarely balanced, as most often there was not much room in the cup for “everything else”.

He gracefully moved through the stages of Charming Romeo and Bulletproof, to become Distinctly Invisible.

It was one of those days (I forget which one) when my Mob started drinking way before noon. Who cares...we were on island time.

We were all hungry, and ready for some world class Caribbean ribs and chicken.

Problem was...the cook (pictured below)...hit the chair, tapped out, and burned the shit up.

Anyway, we never saw him again.

Later, we learned he was the number 2 grill man, and the number 1 grill man had taken drunk a week earlier and no one had seen him since.

Damn - must be something going on with cooking and drinking.

If it looks good - it tastes better...

at least...that's the way it is around here.

Good for me.

I sliced up a bunch of vegatables and threw 'em in. Topped it off with a big ass slab of cow. Cooked 12 hours.

I still chanted over the corn bread. Ain't nothing like a cast iron skillet.

Delicious!!!

I like a good Black and Tan. I've had many across the Pond, so to speak. There seem to be so many explanations as to how the name originated, I'm still not sure. Go here, and you'll even learn how to pour one.

Everyone expects a wedge of lime with a Mexican beer. I happen to like a little lime in mine, but, originally, the lime was placed on top of the bottle to keep the flying bugs out.

Just want to make sure we're clear on that.

I need some backup on this.

We had a magnificent dinner last night, but my kitchen is still trashed. You know, sometimes, it's OK to leave everything for tomorrow. I've considered the solution that worked every time when I was in college.

Forget cleaning - we'd just throw it all away - pots, pans, dishes, glasses, and silverware - everything.... Hell, once we even threw the table away.

It might happen again.

This was too good!

I awoke this morning and it was snowing - hard. My wife made a batch of banana pancakes, and I'm telling ya - good good good.

She took the day off, and I can work virtual, so I'll just be hanging in.

I soaked beans last night for 15 bean soup. Add to the pot a big ass ham bone, make a skillet of jalapeno cornbread, and we're in business.

Great start to the weekend. I think it's time for a cold beverage.

You know - the next best thing to a nice holiday meal is the Leftovers. Everything seems to get a little more "flavorized" overnight(s), and the requirement for dishes and silverware is waved. I mean - there ain't nothing like eating with your bare hands, and - no dishes to wash.

I think I'm going to have a little "bare handed" apple pie right now.

I love holidays.

Life is good. The IslamoFascists didn't attack. All my servers rolled into 2004 seamlessly. Fiscal December is closed. The year is closed. I feel great.

After several cups of freshly ground Costa Rican coffee, we've moved on to Italian (not French) sparkling wine and orange juice.

Let the cooking begin:

A Himalayan Apple Pie has been made, and is cooling.
The Black-Eyed Peas are on slow cook.
The Pearl Onion Parmesan casserole has been built, and ready for the oven.
The Asparagus and Brussels Sprouts are ready for steaming.
Scratch rolls are on the way.
The Potatoes are ready for mashing.
The Marinated Pork Tenderloin is ready for the charcoal grill.
The Sauerkraut is ready for the Tenderloin.
The Peppers, Mushrooms, and Onions are ready for the grill.
The Vanilla Ice Cream is ready for the pie.

Looks like it's going to be a good day.

I’m glad tomorrow is Friday.

Ingredients:

1 large bucket of greasy take-out chicken
1 large jar of Parmesan Ragu

Directions:

Remove the top from the bucket.
Pour in the Ragu
Return the top and shake vigorously

Well, it's that time of year again. Here's my 5 bean, 15 pepper Chili recipe.

If you want it hotter, leave the seeds in the Habaneros.

At this latitude, 36' 4' W, I can usually plant a spring - summer, and a fall - winter garden. I "set out" about 50 tomato plants, and 30 or 40 pepper plants in the spring. In the fall I do a mixture of greens - collards, cabbage, lettuce, etc.

This year, my spring garden drowned. We had so much rain I should have planted rice. My fall crop was eaten by critters in the night. Whatever they are, they ate everything.

I usually shoot 'em, but my neighbor’s children are now waddlers so I stopped. Don't let anyone tell you a lead pellet won't ricochet, they will. I live in a neighborhood where using a shotgun is out of the question, so I got a .22 caliber "one pump" pellet gun with a 4X scope. This puppy is Bad JuJu, and I've got the count sheets to prove it. But it's retired.

There's always next year. Maybe I'll get an "outdoor" cat.

We're having a few friends over to the Brier Patch for dinner tonight.

Menu: everything will be homemade.

Reposado and Anejo Tequila
Jalapeno Margaritas
Tequila Sunrises
Slammers

2X Beer

Guacamole with chips

Salsa

Stuffed Jalapenos (Cream Cheese)

Corn and Flour Tortillas

Poblano Chile Rellenos
Shrimp
Cheese
Meat

Refried Beans

Rice

Ice Cream

Cigars

This is an all day production, and I have volunteered for Quality Control. This means I get to start drinking and tasting as soon as we start cooking.

Could be worse.

This was too good!

Good Friends and the Dog.
28 lb. Turkey. smoked overnight
Leg of Lamb - charcoal grilled - no gas
Turkey Gravy
Lamb Gravy
Dressing
Squash Casserole
Pearl Onion Casserole
Collard Greens
Parsnips
Sweet Potatoes
Mashed Potatoes
Olives
Beach Salad
Bread Rolls - as my English friend would say.
Apple Pie
Pumpkin Pie
Lemon Pie
Boo Coo assorted cold and warm beverages
Cuban Cigars, smuggled via Greece

and a bunch of stuff I can't remember.....

Damn! Green onions are good for the soul!

It's the Mexicans fault - at least they say it is.

My wife and I were members of the Rare Breed Society until we discovered the French own the Austin, Nichols Distilling Co. We used to have an annual bourbon tasting, which usually coincided with the fastest two minutes in sports, and a Wild Turkey Brand won every time. Not anymore, which is too damn bad.

You might be surprised to see what else Pernod Ricard owns. Go here to find out.

The Habanero Pepper (Scotch Bonnet) is the hottest pepper known to mankind, and I love them but, just damn, you must be careful. I sliced a few last night (part of my plan B) and washed my hands as always, but it was not good enough. I rubbed my eyes, and thought about a trip to the ER. I was down on my knees in pain and could not open my eyes for 20 minutes, so, I was blind. My eyes are still "not right". I'm serious, these are some "bad boys" and I've been consuming them for years.

The only time the pain has been worse, is when I sliced them in the same manner and then had to take a leak. Can you imagine that?

I made a pot of red beans and rice today. and they were terrible.

The beans were so bad only a camel could eat em'. And that's a "maybe"

I burned the shit out of the Andouie sausage. That's because my grill girl was off doing something else.

This stuff didn't even look good in the pot, much less on the plate. Believe me, it tasted worse.

Just Damn!

I'm going to plan B for tomorrow. Gotta celebrate "Fall Back" somehow.

Maybe I should go on down to "Nawlins", soak up a little jazz, do some Dixie, and eat some real red beans and rice.

I have the ultimate Jar of “Burns Blue Beads Clear”. The best East Tennessee has, period. This stuff is the Catdaddy. I should share it with Donnie and Dax.

I don’t even know em’, but I like em”.

Cool runnings!

I went to a “North Carolina Wine” tasting this afternoon. They all sucked. I bought a bunch anyway, which means I’ll be giving them away as Christmas presents to people I don’t like. These other people , the wine cellar boys and girls, bragged about how long they’ve been “tweaking” their grapes.

I say: Not long enough. This is really bad, you need to tweak em' some more!

Oh well, live and learn.

Just Damn!

My Grandmother died ten years ago. We held a funeral service at the cemetery, and afterwards, friends and family went over to my Mom’s for a reception. Pretty standard except for this: My first cousin and her husband, on the way to the reception, rented a trailer, went to my Grandmother’s house, and loaded up everything they wanted. Now that is Cold! Anyway, they missed the prize. I am the owner of several cast iron skillets that have been seasoned for about fifty years.

I think of this every time I make Cornbread.