I was talking to Joan of Argghh, and she was saying her fingers were really sore from playing so much guitar. I told her she "could take the pain...only one more show to go", or something like that, and she replied... "don't tell me about pain, I'm married to him", or something like that.

Thing is...Pain is a damn good guy...and he heard this conversation...I think.

Bwahahahahahah!!!

Anyway, this is for you Joan Pretty Fucked Up

Ripped from Elisson, who ripped it from Denny, who stole it from someone else.

This is a serious Blog.

Bwahahahahahahah!!!

I'm sitting here in front of this iMac, watching a movie...and I have a question.

Is there such a thing as too much screen and too much video memory?

Like sitting on the front row at an iMax movie.

On another note: If you don't have Google Earth, you need to get it.

Talk about a rig

...but Fucking is simply Fucking to us...

...talking 'bout soup cooling lips...baby, I need your loving...oh yes I do.

I'm a fortunate man...I've seen and wiggled with most of the old mid to tail end 60's black male and female bands. I was always one of the few crackers in the audience. Yeap, we were Crackers back then...and I could put a blaze on them skates, and I can feel things.

I swear to the Maker, unless you've gotten down with the brothers and sisters...you ain't been down. I should tell you my Respect story. I made a fool of myself...in a good way.

I ain't gonna do you wrong!

More later

If anyone wants to know what a Black man looks like trapped in a White man's body... Click Here

I can also do the Tighten Up

As I recall, that was a great night!!!

That's a Fact. I'm on the left...in the photo...bwahahahahahahah! 1st time ever I've been on the left.

Anyway...

Had a phone call the other day from the guy who played the Sax in Sam (Moore) & Dave's band in 1968.

He was looking for another Sam Moore, but after I told him, "I'm a Black Man trapped in a White man's body...we talked for about 45 minutes.

I'm still a Soul Man

I can't make this shit up.

In honor of the first day of hurricane season, which is today.

Bitch Slap to Catfish

...and I'm saying it again.

Never, ever, play poker with Sweet One.

I love the way she smiles when she kicks the ass of everyone.

I'm just saying!

I'm way too busy, but I'm gonna get all over it soon.

...I'll be heading down to spend some time with my sweetie baby Christina and her Grill Man Dash

Bwahahahahahah!

Salute!

Damn!!!

Happy Birthday to the Grillboy.

Salute...my friend.

I received a telephone call from the guy who played saxophone in this guy's band.

He said, "Man, you don't sound like Sam."

I said, "Not to worry brother, I'm a black man trapped in a white man's body."

He fell out when he heard that.

I talked to this guy for about fifteen minutes. Very cool.

I was a huge fan of Sam and Dave way back when.

I swear I can't make this shit up.

BOO!

Damn, and I mean DAMN! I made it. I think.

I’ve started dreaming in hexadecimal.

E3E4C2C5 E3C8C5 C8D6D6C3C8

I’ll be back when the fog burns off.

12 guage

check

Shells

check

.357

check

Bullets

check

Sword

check

straight razor

check

Beer

check

Ice

check

Rum

check

I’m good to go.

Be back later.

ARMADILLO

Nov 23 - Dec 21

You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another, somewhat kinky, mating possibility.

Nope...I'm into the Grits.

I really love New Orleans.

I've had so many good times there.

Damn! Damn! Damn!

Help out if you can.

This asshole is back with:

"Fuck The South"

Sorry Theosuckusdickus, it’s backyard…not backard, but since you like it from that angle, it doesn’t surprise me. I'll give you the spelling.

Want some more?

Fuck You!!! You piece of shit!

Looks like I'll be hanging with these folks again.

I can't wait...too much fun.

These people are unique, and that's a good thing.

One inlaw + two inlaw = kicked my ass.

In a good way.

Ain't nothing like hanging with your elders.

Be back later!

NOLA was the first Blogmeet I've been to where there wasn't a weapons buffet. I really missed the public display of...Handguns, Blades, Chemicals, and a Bunch of Drunks.

Does that make since?

Should I do a bumper sticker?

Hey...Hey!

We just returned from the Blogmeet in New Orleans, and I’ve got to tell you…it was boring. Being stuck in NOLA with Christina, Kelley, Velociman, Dash, Key, Zonker, Denny, Shoe Baby, Yabu, Karen, and Susan… was well…the BEST TIME I’VE HAD IN A LONG TIME.

Raise the bar…they did. They are my friends…and they are awesome! None better.

We probably won’t do it again. No fun. Too much conflict.

Where else can a happily married man have a naked woman (not my wife) passed out in his bed? Where else can he (on advice of counsel) be advised to “take pictures”? Where else can you call your buddy from a bar, and have him deal with it?

Where else can you…?

More later…I’m just getting back in the saddle.

My FRIEND the Zonk is all over this. We are going to have TOO MUCH BANANA, so to speak.

Remember, everyone is welcome. If anyone needs communication numbers, just email anyone on the list…you will be accommodated.

I drove 8 hours outbound yesterday, and 8 hours inbound today. I was gone for about 29 hours.

Was it worth it? Yes.
Would I do it again? Yes, but not tomorrow.
Is my ass worn out? Yes.

I’ll tell you; the drive on I-40 from North Carolina to Tennessee, and back, is beautiful.

The Smokey Mountains are one of a kind.

Anyway, in that short period of time I went to a “Jazz on the Lawn” deal, which turned out to be a “Salsa on the Lawn” deal, with some really really “hot” dancing…if you know what I mean.

I had a magnificent dinner and conversations with some old friends.

Sometimes, spur of the moment decisions are necessary. I didn’t decide to go until midnight Saturday.

Life is good.

Another Stupid Quote:

...The prosecutor's team was first spotted making merry at the bar, and then retreated to a private dining room behind the bar that has no door...

How in the hell did they get into a room with no door?

From FOX News.

I’m downtown with this…except I’ll be gliding on in about mid-day on Thursday.

This is going to be a GOOD time. Trust me on this!

Friends, Music, Food…and, as Christina would say, “unmentionables”…what the hell else is there?

Everyone is invited…”come on in, the water is fine.”

I've been on several Steamboats, but none like this. They race 'em once a year, and the Natchez wins everytime. Man, this one is so clean you could eat off the floor in the engine room.

Steamboats

We should probably do a meet-up in New Orleans, ya think? We don't have to do the boat, but it is there...just in case.

The food and music is the Catdaddy!

Does anyone have an opinion on this?

Dax is in the groove.

Head on over and give it a read.

I heard so many interesting quotes it was hard to make a decision, but I’ve made it.

And the winner is from my friend Jim:

“You can’t make this up”, or “You can’t make this shit up”.

Hell, I can’t remember, but he is absolutely correct.

To everyone I had the pleasure of socializing with:

Thank You!!!

Again and again.

What a great bunch of people. Thank you all.

Acidman

Anne

Catfish

Christina

Dax

Denny

Eric

Flynny

Kelley

Key

Jimbo

Michele

Moogie

Mr. Helpful

Rube

Sadie

Ward

Velociman

Zonker

It was great to meet Georgia, Recondo32, the Irish Lad, the Redheaded Bodyguard, and everyone else.

The following shots are in no certain order, because there was no order. This shit was like the wild wild west.

AcidDog

A Real Cutie

Velociman and the Monkey

A Couple of Bitches

Afternoon Tequila Shooters Club

The Moog

Painted Monkey

Oh Yeah!!!

This is not what you think.

The Lovely Ladies...

...and Me

Still Standing

Pretty Girl

Girls From Across The Pond

Early On

Don't Ask

VelociCat

The Last Rubber

I'll make another pass at it later, but I wanted to get something up as an Appetizer. This was deep, very very deep, if you know what I mean!!!

Not only does my puppy Stretch steal my apples, he's learned how to unscrew the cap off a bottle of Gatorade. I kid you not.

How in the hell did he learn how to do that?

Me and my ol’ lady done got up with the RedNeck last night; and I be tellin’ ya, “him and his are welcome in my house anytime.” Funny thing about bloggers, I’ve never met one I didn’t like, not that I’ve done met that many, not yet anyway.

Too bad he can’t make Whackel, causing he will be missed.

Hey Neck…Safe trip my friend, and give me a shout on the flip-flop.

I'll be meeting up with Neck, and the Neckson within the hour.

How cool is that?

I'm just saying.

Chapter Five is up.

The plot thickens, again.

If you need to catch up:

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

I just verified my reservation for the Georgia Writers Workshop, and Missy Whomever informed me that my room was secure and that I’m with the GWW.

The Wrongs:

1. I damn sure can’t right.
2. I ain’t from Georgia. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

The Write:

I might learn something, and I’m damn sure going to have a good time.

I’m just saying.

Christina spanked it with Chapter Four. The plot thickens.

If you need to catch up:

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Billy's homework assignment is to think of a true story with a moral so he goes home and thinks about it all night and finally has one. The following day, Suzy raises her hand and says, "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."

The teacher asks for the moral to the story. Suzy replies, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

Next is Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm, too, and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched. The moral is, don't count your chicks before they are hatched.''

Billy is last to speak. He says, ''My uncle Ted fought in the War in Iraq. His plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed, with only a parachute, a bottle of bourbon, a machine gun, and a machete. As he floated down he drank the bottle of bourbon. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Iraqi soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade broke on his machete, so he killed the last 10 with his bare hands.''

The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story.

Billy replies,

My friend KEY has cut it tight with Chapter Two of the Blog Noir.

Chapter One is here.

The sealed envelope leaves it wide open.

Friday Booze Photoblogging

Thanks to The Blade Straight White Guy.

...this weekend. I’ve had a bunch of people in town all week, and I’m worn out. I had to get out of my groove to accommodate all of ‘em, and now, I need to ease back into it.

I’m going to hang with my beautiful wife, and not do a damn thing. Well, that’s not entirely true. I’m going to read some blogs, start a new novel, cook some great meals, watch some DVD’s, lay the rap on her, play with my puppy, and try to become one with an eggplant.

Do you ever feel like that? Hell, I might not even start a car.

Sometimes no plan is the best plan.

You must get all over this.

Chapter One is Here.

Christina can put a team together.

These folks are way outta my league.

A really bad day of Fishing is always better than a good day at work... Who says ?

SATURDAY

3:00 a.m. Alarm rings
3:30 a.m. Fishing partner arrives and drags my ass out of bed. Pack lunch
and get ready
4:00 a.m. Throw our gear into back of pick-up and leave.
4:10 a.m. Go back to house to get boat.
4:30 a.m. Leave again - this time with boat.
4:45 a.m. Go back to house to get fishing rods.
5:00 a.m. Leave again - pop top on first beer.
5:01 a.m. Spill beer in lap - wide awake now.
6:00 a.m. Arrive at ramp - are #22 in line to launch boat. Drink six-pack
while waiting
7:30 a.m. Back boat and trailer into water - Winch stuck so cut rope and
thumb with knife. - Sew thumb up with fishing line. Drink another
beer.
8:00 a.m. Boat floating away from ramp while partner parks truck and
trailer. Engine won't start - forgot gas.
8:05 a.m. Have to paddle back to shore. - Left paddles in truck. Take off
shirt and shoes to jump in water to pull boat back to shore.
8:06 a.m. Nuts crawl up into belly - Water cold - Real damn cold.
8:10 a.m. Get boat pulled to shore - step on bottle and cut foot.
8:11 a.m. Fishing partner takes me to emergency room to get foot sewn up
and Tetanus shot - drink another beer.
11:00 a.m. Leave emergency room to go back to boat. Stop to get more
beer.
11:45 a.m. Get back to boat with beer - forgot to get the damn gas.
1:00 p.m. Boat gassed and going finally.
1:15 p.m. Get stuck on sand bar near favorite fishing spot. - Drink another beer.
2:00 p.m. Friends come by and pull us off sand bar. Get severe rope burn
on hands and get pulled into water. - Still real damn cold.
2:30 p.m. Get to fishing spot, decide to eat lunch. - Left it sitting on kitchen
counter. Drink another beer.
2:45 p.m. Partner and I make our first cast. - He catches a trophy
smallmouth. - I snag and lose my favorite lure.
3:15 p.m. Partner has caught 6 more fish. - I've caught a cold.
3:30 p.m. Change sides of boat. - Partner catches another trophy
smallmouth. I lose another lure.
3:45 p.m. Partner agrees to let me try his tackle gear after I threaten him
with broken bottle.
4:15 p.m. Partner has caught 6 more fish with my tackle. - I've got a rash
from my wet cold underwear.
4:17 p.m. I lose my balance and fall into the water while trying to throw my
partner overboard. - Water has gotten colder - Nuts smaller.
4:30 p.m. Pull plug on drains of boat to get excess water out where I've
slipped all day. Head back to ramp.
5:15 p.m. Park boat along bank and go get truck and trailer. #10 in line to
load boat. Drink another beer.
6:00 p.m. Barely get boat going and loaded onto trailer due to foot of water
in bottom. - left plugs out.
6:10 p.m. Get shocked hooking trailer lights up. - Drink another beer.
6:30 p.m. Pulled over and given ticket for open beer in truck. Partner
drives rest of way.
7:30 p.m. Get home - go to bed - throw up and cough all night.

Monday: Go to hospital - have pneumonia.
Tuesday: In hospital
Wednesday: In hospital
Thursday: In hospital
Friday: Go home

Saturday:
8:00 a.m. Get up - eat breakfast and drink coffee.
9:00 a.m. Load fishing gear into boat,
9:15 a.m. Hook boat and trailer up to truck.
9:45 a.m. Pull boat to flea market. - Trade everything for backyard
badminton set !

Everyone in the sphere has been taking this quiz, so I finally took it.

Wackiness: 180/100
Rationality: 116/100
Constructiveness: 156/100
Leadership: 78/100

You are a WRCL--Wacky Rational Constructive Leader. This makes you a Golden God.

You think fast and have a smart mouth, and you are a hoot to your friends and razorwire to your enemies. You hold a grudge like a brass ring. You crackle.

Although you have a leader's personality, you often choose not to lead, as leaders stray too far from their audience. You probably weren't very popular in high school--the joke's on them!

You may be a rock star.

Of the 83645 people who have taken this quiz since tracking began (8/17/2004), 7 % are this type.

This is bullshit, so I took it again:

Wackiness: 40/100
Rationality: 52/100
Constructiveness: 56/100
Leadership: 38/100

You are a SECF--Sober Emotional Constructive Follower. This makes you a Hippie.

You are passionate about your causes and steadfast in your commitments. Once you've made up your mind, no one can convince you otherwise. Your politics are left-leaning, and your lifestyle choices decidedly temperate and chaste.

You do tremendous work when focused, but usually you operate somewhat distracted. You blow hot and cold, and while you normally endeavor on the side of goodness and truth, you have a massive mean streak which is not to be taken lightly. You don't get mad, you get even.

Please don't get even with this web site.

Of the 83638 people who have taken this quiz since tracking began (8/17/2004), 10.5 % are this type.

All I can say is "Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll to the Goldon God."

The master, who did 4,531 shows, is gone. He will be missed.

Could've had a V-8, know what I mean?

"Why don't we just ask Osama Bin Laden, er Osama Obama...OBAMA! Since he won by such a big amount!"

-- Ted Kennedy, sputtering through an answer of the question, what did Barack Obama, who was elected with over 80% of the vote, do that Kerry and other Dems did NOT do?

Via Laura Ingraham.

Shamelessly ripped from Humanracewatch.com.

Velociman has got the ball rolling. I'll be there.

I don't give a shit either.

Christina has a bus trip in mind...I am so there.

A note about my previous post: I'm sure he was talking about the "Other Folks". I'm kinda shy.

Acidman said, I'm "smart, articulate about as shy as a stripper outgoing, vivacious and a lot of fun to be around."

Thanks Rob, I'm in good company.

I look forward to the next time. Just don't give me a gun that can't be de-cocked, or we'll have to call in Eric the Paper again.

How cool is she?

Thank You!

Christina, along with her Mob, has knocked the back out of it.

The tin roof and a burned-out frame are all that remains of the Love Shack. It's gone...Bummer!

Right, wrong or indifferent, if the B-52's didn't make you wiggle, there's something wrong with you.

A Long Night Out is an understatement.

I still ain't right, but would I do it again? Absolutly!!!

I made it back from the most intense mission 24 hours I’ve experienced in a long time. These people could put a rugby club to shame.

I finally got to meet my Internet Chic in person, and I’m telling you, she is an absolute killer, a real head turner who wears weapons on her feet.

Kelley is a classic Southern Woman whose stamina is remarkable. If I’d been as under the weather as she was, I couldn’t of made the trip.

My Blogfather Acidman is intense, yet laid back at the same time. I believe he lives every day like it might be his last. Don’t ever let him hand you a loaded gun. Anyway, now that we’ve met, I can call him by his first name. It was a pleasure to make your acquaintance Rob.

Catfish will tell it like it is, and is the type of guy you like to have around. The bearer of fresh moonshine and other assorted felonies.

The Single Southern Guy is going to have to change his name in the future, if he can remember what it was. If not, I’m sure his girlfriend can clue him in.

The Straight White Guy and the Straight White Wife were a pleasure to be around. I was his drink boy, but trust me; I wasn’t going to argue for fear of the blade.

Velociman and the Mutant are one and the same. I agree with Rob on this. It’s good to have either one of ‘em watching your back.

I wish This Guy had shown up, but I did get to talk to him on the phone.

These folks take having a good time seriously, and I’m amazed the cops didn’t show up. Although, we did get the warning call.

Thanks to everyone for a great time, and it was nice to meet you all.

Harry Potter - Prisoner of Azkaban

1st viewing: Fell Asleep!

2nd viewing: Fell Asleep!

3rd viewing: Maybe?

Of course, I fell asleep during the 1st 19 viewings of " Last of the Mohicans", and that is a great book movie. So, what do I know?

My friend Christina is downtown with this.

Read all six parts.

A Charlotte, NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued.. and WON!!!

In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer "held a
policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company
accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires".

NOW FOR THE BEST PART..

New one on the roll.

Meet VelociKey's child, Queenie.

My friend Dax, is hanging out with the local boys way the fuck out there. They hunt rabbits with pick-up trucks. CLASSIC!

Really, I'm not kidding you.

Great Tale!!!

Reminds me of me.

Dax has a great Bust Ass Story.

I've been there.

...for maximum speed.

Seriously, I'm thinking about changing his name to "Rocket".

Ripped from The Grouchy Old Cripple.

Better late than never.

Anthony "Tuba Fats" Lacen was born 09/15/50 and died 01/11/04.

I have fond memories of him. Let me explain.

My wife has the voice of an angel; she was trained in Opera, but she can get down with traditional New Orleans jazz and blues.

We discovered Tuba Fats and his pick up band in Jackson Square, the largest free music venue the French Quarter has to offer, and I asked him if she could do a couple of tunes with ‘em. She sat next to him on a park bench, and they broke into “Saint James Infirmary”…and she brought the house down, so to speak…standing ovation. The next day, when we returned, he introduced her to the crowd as his “secret weapon”. We had a good time.

Nawlins has got it going on. No need to rent a car…just fly in and take a taxi to the French Quarter, and experience some of the best food, drink, and music on the planet. It is impossible to have a bad time in Nawlins. Impossible.

and the 2nd Queen Bitch is still dogging my ass. We swapped Queens at moves 4/5.

I have 3 Pawns and a Rook. He has 1 Bishop, and 1 Queen (Pawn convert). Both Kings have plenty of room.

The 2 major errors factors are: (late in the game)

1. He gave me a Rook
2. I allowed him to convert a Pawn

This will be interesting.

He will have no problem picking off my Pawns, but with only a Queen and a Black Bishop after me...I can live for a while. If I stay on white, only the Bitch matters.

I wonder how many more moves before I die.

Also...FYI...the Queen is only a Bitch, if I'm losing.

My friend KEY is...well...

Ripped from Bad Example

For KEY

Wood?

Hey Sweetie...this is me

This is a better one.

I just heard on Fox News, that it costs a family of four an average of $315.00 to attend an NFL football game. That sucks.

Kinda sorta related, but I'm still pissed at these assholes.

Professional athletes make entirely too much money, and NONE OF THEM are worth it. None of 'em.

For me, the heavens will not align on October 15 - 17, 2004. I'm going to miss the 2nd Annual Jawjah Blogmeet.

Just Damn!

My attendance is mandatory at a wedding in Nashville...no way I can blow it off.

I'm really going to miss meeting up with her and her and him and him and him and him and him, and everyone else who shows up.

I will contribute, though, in one way or another.

Hat Tip to Jack.

RESUME OF JOHN F. KERRY

RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including Washington DC, worth multi-millions

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:

I voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA and defense bill in my career as a US Senator. I ordered Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the event of fire.

Military:

I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam. I then returned to the US, joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby killers. I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I?

My book "Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier" shows how I truly feel about the military.

College:

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for U.S. Congress and have been there ever since. I have no real world experience except marrying rich women and running HJ Heinz vicariously through my wife Teresa.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS US Senator:

I set the record for the most liberal voting record, exceeding even TedKennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed to support ourmilitary and CIA by voting against budgets, thus gutting our country'sability to defend itself. Although I voted for the Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for it.

I voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected.

My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he will never catch up. I make no or little charitable contributions and have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in MA, despite family wealth in excess of $ 700 million.

Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts. NIMBY.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

None.

PERSONAL

I ride a Serotta Bike.

My Gulfstream V Jet I call "The Flying Squirrel"

I call my $ 850,000 42 foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche".

I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and you had better listen to it as it
reflects our real culture.

I own several SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against large polluting inefficient vehicles and blame George Bush for the energy problems.

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.

Teresa Heinz Ketchup Kerry...

...says "I don't trust Ted Kennedy".

Well...no shit! Who does?

The "Swimmer" and his mob are bad JuJu!!!

During a campaign tour of the Apache Nation Wednesday, Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry said he had a plan to increase every Native American's income by $40,000 a year. Senator Kerry refused repeated requests for details of his plan. However, he also told the Apaches that during his Senate career, he has voted YES 9,637 times....for every Indian issue ever introduced.

Before his departure, the Apache Tribe presented the Presidential candidate a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, Running Eagle.

After Kerry left, tribal officials explained that Running Eagle is a bird so full of shit it can't fly.

More from the Inbox:

Dear Sam:

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Ft. Worth and one of my sisters, who lives in Pflugerville, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas. I have two brothers. One currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville, TX for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview. She is a part time "working girl". All things considered, my problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who supports John Kerry for President?

All I can say is "your parents need a bigger crop"

BwahHaHaHa!!!!!

Remember, Sunday is the anniversary of one of the many times we�ve saved France�s ass. I don�t know about you, but I�m going frog gigging to celebrate.

Bwahahaha!

Downtown Tennessee that is. We drove about 300 miles today, had a nice dinner, and are down for the count. Too much good wine.

Sweet Dreams!

…is watching the final episode of Friends.

I’ve never seen an episode, and never will.

...and I'm not talking about going fast...

Click this at your own risk.

From my wife:

"I didn't think having so much fun would be such hard work"

A great time was had by all.

...to hang with my bunch...you MUST BE in shape.

This ain't no fooling round.

Everyone have a safe weekend...I'm heading for the beach to cook a pig and celebrate my friends birthday.

Probably won't drink any stout!!!

How do you evacuate a movie theater without shouting “Fire”?

When I was a kid… the neighborhood theater had a balcony, and my friends and I would always view the movies from there. It was our spot. We were always looking for a laugh, and one day we had an idea.

We smuggled a couple of large cans of chunky vegetable soup up there…opened ‘em…and screamed Buuuuiiiiiicccckkkkkk, as we poured them on the people seated below.

People screaming…breaking for cover in every direction…that was funny…we were laughing so hard, we barely escaped.

Cat Puke inspired this post.

Pompeii palpitates with sultry tension...not really, but it is a good book...

Ripped from Dragon Bear Cave.

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's MY fault.

A big THANK YOU to my friend Two Skip (that's his island name) for some fond memories.

I'm ready for round two....