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July 2007 Archives
07.31.07
Crowbarred Like A Vampire

As most of you know...I fucking hate Microsoft Windows. Anyone ready to slow dance with that statement...I'm ready.

All of my Grandparents are dead...may the Maker bless their souls and comfort them, but I inherited some useful stuff from them. Cast Iron skillets and crowbars. I do loves me some cornbread, and everyone needs a nice crowbar...or two...or three. I have three in different sizes and weights.

Anyway, I've been whooieing with this particular laptop for some time now. This bitch will not behave. I have built hundreds of machines in the past...I have installed operating systems hundreds, if not thousands, of times...this bitch will not mind...so I crowbarred her ass...Man, that felt good.

Ding Dong the Bitch is dead.

Now, I realize I could have set her straight, but it was more fun to stake her.

Machines should not fuck with me.

I am the Saminator.

Bwahahahahahahahah!!!


Posted: 11:21
Link: «·»
Category: Technology
Comments: 6
Pings: 0
07.30.07
What Is This World Coming To

It's a beautiful day here in the Brier Patch. My front door is wide open...my back door is wide open...my puppy is all about me...my woman is happy...my garden is rocking....I've got a good job...life is good.

College aged young man, out of nowhere, approaches my front door.

I'm on the phone, and I tell him I don't have time. I mean...he could clearly see that I had the phone to my ear. I was talking on the fucking phone for goodness sake. It was business.

He said, "People like you are what is wrong with our country"

I said. "Excuse me?"

He said, "Fuck you", and began to walk away.

I said, "What did you say?"

He said, I'll be back"

I said, "That would be a bad idea"

Ladies and Gentleman, Friends and Neighbors, there are some whacked out people out there. Maybe he took offense with the American Flag I fly. I have no idea, but I can tell you for certain...if him and /or his buddies return...I'll put my puppy on 'em.

Crazy...this must be pick on me week...first the Termite Inspectors, and now some whacked out lefty college student.

Anyway, it got me to thinking...which gun would I use. Which caliber? Handgun or Shotgun or Rifle? How much time would I have to decide?

Or, do I use a blade? Or do I use my hands and feet?

Food for thought.

Posted: 00:59
Link: «·»
Category: RightThink
Comments: 6
Pings: 0
07.29.07
Most Men Enjoy...

...a nice hole

Bwahahahahahahahahah!!!

I can't believe I just said that.

Posted: 23:43
Link: «·»
Category: Travel
Comments: 2
Pings: 0
If You Have 18 Minutes


This is good

Posted: 01:42
Link: «·»
Category: Music
Comments: 0
Pings: 0
If I Had It To Do Over Again

I'd pick you up in one of these You will need a passport.

Bwahahahahahah!!!

Posted: 00:58
Link: «·»
Category: Technology
Comments: 0
Pings: 0
07.27.07
Slingshot

I've bungee jumped several times, but I've never done the Slingshot...but I would...in a heartbeat.

Since Helen doesn't like fireworks...what say we rig one of these up instead?

I swear there will be a rocket or two.

Ripped this from KeesKennis

Posted: 23:31
Link: «·»
Category: Worm Hole
Comments: 1
Pings: 0
Strangers

I look out the window of my office this morning and I see a fucking Termite truck in my driveway. Two Nigerians are on the way to my front door. Me and Stretch and my little friend met 'em head on. My dogie Stretch appeared to make 'em nervous...He can smell a rat, so to speak. I am at one with my puppy.

Paul Oleghe and Paul Mugabbe asked if I was busy.

I said, "not really, I'm just cleaning my guns"

They got the message. If they come back, I'll drop 'em both.

I live in a nice neighborhood, but you never know...

Posted: 20:06
Link: «·»
Category:
Comments: 1
Pings: 0
07.24.07
Too Cool

Why would anyone want to go here

I have no idea!

Posted: 23:28
Link: «·»
Category: Travel
Comments: 6
Pings: 0
07.22.07
Jellybeans

I do loves me some jellybeans on occasion.

But I have to admit...

I'm in the jellybean aisle, similar to the coffee bean aisle, in our local grocery. A million different colors. I've got a gallon sack stuffed with about a half a million different flavors, and I dropped it. It was loud...and those fuckers scattered like a cluster bomb. Jellybeans were everywhere.

Damn...that is a shitload of jelly beans...you would not believe how many jellybeans will fit in a gallon sack.

Pure instinct...I looked in all directions, did a quick analysis of the situation, and then broke for cover. The only witness was laughing her ass off...as I did...all the way home.

Bottom line is I'll have to fess up sooner than later, but it was damn funny at the time. I know they have me on tape. I can only hope they laughed as hard as that nice lady who witnessed the whole thing.

Anyone want to go shopping with me?

Bwahahahahahahah!!!

If you don't here from me soon...I'm in jail.

Posted: 22:50
Link: «·»
Category: Food & Drink
Comments: 4
Pings: 0
07.20.07
Jump Back

I'm sitting here in front of this iMac, watching a movie...and I have a question.

Is there such a thing as too much screen and too much video memory?

Like sitting on the front row at an iMax movie.

On another note: If you don't have Google Earth, you need to get it.

Posted: 23:33
Link: «·»
Category: Entertainment
Comments: 4
Pings: 0
I Believe This To Be True

"A great civilazation is not conquered from without unitl it has destroyed itself from within"

- W. Durant

Of course I'm talking about "fill in the blank",,, if you would...can.

Posted: 23:23
Link: «·»
Category: Observations
Comments: 0
Pings: 0
Friday Afternoon Nonsense

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine this afternoon and she made me remember how fortunate I am to know some very intelligent people. I've got some Catdaddy friends. Thank you.

I'm making a pot of chili with the peppers and tomatoes I'm growing in my garden. Too bad I didn't have a cow or pig to shoot. Occasionally I feel the need to shoot or stab something.

I've been really busy trying to put some bread on the table so I've neglected my new iMac. Not today. This thing is cooler than sliced bread. Even though, some think, UNIX is an operating system named after a bunch of guys with no nuts...I'm here to tell you this thing will run underwater. I'm starting to slow dance with it. Mac OS is built on top of *NIX.

The problem ...they're expensive, but you've got to pay to play. It is what it is. I was drunk when I bought mine...just kidding.

Bottom line: This iMac client shit is intuitive, and is so much superior to any Windows bullshit...it ain't even funny. I hope I didn't offend anyone, but if I did...wake up and smell the bacon.

It is always safe to slow dance with a guy with no nuts.

Bwahahahahahahahahah!!!!

Posted: 17:37
Link: «·»
Category: General
Comments: 2
Pings: 0
07.19.07
We Gotta Go...Now

Did you ever wonder what happens when you're flying a F-16, which only has one engine, and your engine sucks in a bird?

Watch close...you can see it.

You've probably got to jump out of it, and hope for the best.

What is amazing to me is...how calm, cool and collected these guys were with a situation that can only be described as a Major Problem.

I would've said "fuck...fuck...fuck", they said "eject...eject...eject"

If it was me, I'd insist flying something with two engines.

Posted: 12:05
Link: «·»
Category: General
Comments: 5
Pings: 0
07.18.07
Yabu And Domino

This is a rough sketch of Yabu and Domino drawn by John Cox...of Cox and Forkum.

This guy is amazing...he did this with no photos, as there are no known photographs of these two. It was all done verbally, and with a little written inspiration.

More later.


Posted: 10:34
Link: «·»
Category: Observations
Comments: 5
Pings: 0
...With My Lips Still Covered With Peach...

Domino can certainly put pen to paper.

Ya think?

A couple more below the fold.

Read More »


Posted: 09:13
Link: «·»
Category: Observations
Comments: 1
Pings: 0
07.15.07
Target Practice

I might have said something about this before.

I absolutely hate it when one of my neighbors fires up his fucking lawn mower at 7:00 am on a Saturday or Sunday morning, but I also hate how loud my bean grinder is...another but: It is my choice when I grind my beans. I have no control over the time my neighbors decide to cut their grass.

I'm thinking of a little early morning sugar in the tank mission.

Or, have Yabu horizontally launch some of his rocket stash at 'em.

I'm just sayin', Yabu WILL do it.

Posted: 09:48
Link: «·»
Category: Observations
Comments: 5
Pings: 0
07.13.07
How Cool Is This

Talk about a rig

Posted: 08:27
Link: «·»
Category: Entertainment
Comments: 5
Pings: 0
07.11.07
I Knew The Game Well

I wonder who wrote this.

Backed in a corner against the cold stone walls of the old Lafitte, I rested and watched one night too damn many years ago to count or really fucking care...

Read More »


Posted: 13:19
Link: «·»
Category: General
Comments: 3
Pings:
07.07.07
The Hot Cross Pollination God

I need a bigger window sill.

My garden is rocking like you wouldn't believe. This early. I have hundreds of tomatoes, of various types, in various stages of ripeness. I have more cucumbers and squash than I can possibly eat...the okra and eggplant are looking good. I've got more peppers than I know what to do with.

My Herb Garden is also on fire...unbelievable. Damn shrubs...those plants are.

Anyway, I'm talking about the reproduction of seed plants and cross pollination. I have cucumbers that are shaped like squash. I have squash shaped like cucumbers. I have peppers like I've never tasted before. Yellow peppers that are hotter than any I've ever had. Japeleno peppers that are hotter and have a different flavor than any I've ever eaten. My cayennes are so hot they are dangerous. The pobalanos are a different shade of green than usual. I have nuclear cherry peppers. I have some mystery peppers that are absolutely delicious.

My habaneros are just beginning to think about it. Can't wait to see what happens with them.

...and on and on and on...everything is different about this garden.

I've been visited by the Hot Cross Pollination God...which is good because I like hot stuff, but you must be very careful with her...she can, and will, make you break for cover.

She is full of surprises.

Posted: 17:14
Link: «·»
Category: Food & Drink
Comments: 4
Pings: 0
07.05.07
What A Hypocrite

Al Gore was recently interviewed and was asked about the arrest of his son for drunk driving while operating an environmentally safe car at over 100 mph, possession of some weed, and narcotics for which he did not have a prescription. Gore said it was a private family matter. I'm OK with that...it should be a private family matter....but this is the third time his kid has been busted for the same offenses. Does the "Three Strikes and You're Out." law count, which was approved by California voters in 1994? Does it? His son was arrested in California.

But then the asshole was asked about another run for the Presidency, and his reply was, "I''m involved in a different type of campaign to try to raise awareness to what I believe is the most serious crisis our civilization has ever faced." Which would be Global Warming.

Does this loser-ass dick actually believe that Global Warming is a more serious crisis than Radical Muslim IslamoFascist Terrorism.

God help us all if we allow his mob to gain power. We'll see some global warming on a scale that we've not seen since Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

This fucker can evade a question...but nobody can dodge a nuclear bomb.

Fuck Al Gore and his Mob.

Posted: 13:27
Link: «·»
Category: Hypocrites
Comments: 4
Pings: 0
07.04.07
Candy Bar Question

OK...here's the deal.

My sweet baby woman has not had a candy bar in over ten years.

She is ready and able now.

If you were in the same situation...WHAT WOULD YOU EAT?

Posted: 23:33
Link: «·»
Category: Food & Drink
Comments: 15
Pings: 0
Hoochie Coochie Gal

This is Yabu and I feel so well so well today. I do loves me some true guitar players. and a Hoochie Coochie Gal.

I was born for good luck.

Occasionally...that is.

Posted: 23:18
Link: «·»
Category: Music
Comments: 1
Pings: 0
It Will Only Get Worse

I guess I'm doing a little linking...Oh well...I can.

My friend who I've shared a meal and a cold beverage with, just, in my opinion, hit a home run. She is right, you know.

It will get a whole lot worse.

Sad, but true.

Posted: 22:09
Link: «·»
Category: IslamoFascists
Comments: 1
Pings: 0
Knock The Breath Out Of Me

I can think it, but I can't put it to paper like Christina.

There is nothing else I can say...

Posted: 21:23
Link: «·»
Category: Observations
Comments: 1
Pings: 0
God Help Us All

My good friend Yabu has moved in. The only thing he doesn't do is talk about women like they're a piece of meat. Aside from that...anything goes. Trust me on this. He is shameless, but he does open doors.

He will hike up your skirt a little more.

After all, what are friends for?


Posted: 17:26
Link: «·»
Category: Worm Hole
Comments: 2
Pings: 0
Independance Day

I want everyone to think about what Independence really means.

It means you should can kill your enemies to protect your families and your beliefs.

It means you have the freedom to decide what is best for you and yours...and act on that decision.

It means you have the freedom to stick by your guns...and use 'em when needed.

It means you have the freedom to be yourself...always.

It means you are free...whatever it takes.

I thank everyone who makes this possible for me.

I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

Posted: 15:47
Link: «·»
Category: RightThink
Comments: 0
Pings: 0
07.01.07
A Conversation With My Dog

Me: Stretch, there seems to be some dirt in the fuel line.

Stretch: I hate it when that happens.

Me: I'm a honorable and loyal man, and I hate it when I receive Hate Mail from someone I once considered to be a friend.

Stretch: Play her the song.

Me: OK...that is why you're my best friend...you dog you.

This is for you Bitch...you are Pretty Fucked Up

Right, wrong, or indifferent...I remember everything.

Posted: 14:01
Link: «·»
Category: Observations
Comments: 4
Pings: 0
I Was Born Standing Up And Talking Back

What's the best thing about dating a homeless girl?

Read More »


Posted: 11:00
Link: «·»
Category: Observations
Comments: 2
Pings: 0
 
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