My woman grew into some fairly serious food allergies about ten or eleven years ago. I'm talking Anaphylactic Shock kind of serious, as in three ambulance rides to the Emergency Room within two weeks. She could've easily died without the emergency medical treatments. Scary stuff. One time, I was standing at the end of her bed in the emergency room...she was surrounded by six or seven doctors, nurses and technicians, and her eyes rolled back and she rose up, and then collapsed. I thought she died, and I think they did as well. I will never, as long as I live, forget that.

She had the full battery of skin tests then...eighty plus pricks and under-skin injections on her back and arms, and it was determined she was MAJOR allergic to Soy, Peanuts, and all tree nuts. Soy is in fucking everything...even a Hershey's chocolate bar.

We adjusted our diets accordingly, and just dealt with it as best we could. We really could not go "out to eat" unless we went to a nice restaurant with a chef who knew EXACTLY what was in the food they prepared. For example, we generally make all of our bread...Soy is in 99.99% of bread. We had cards printed, in several languages, to give to the dumber than dumb-ass servers we usually encountered. For the last ten or eleven years I have read every label on everything I've purchased in every store. I upped my optical prescription because the fucking print is so small. Better than the alternative.

It changed my life just like hers. I do loves me my sweetie.

We adapted together. We had to...no choice. No big deal, actually it is a much bigger deal for the people we're around because they just don't seem to understand what Anaphylaxis is. Don't get me wrong...some do, but more do not.

Six years ago we moved from point A to B, and had the same tests done which provided the same results...Major life threatening reactions to Soy, Peanuts, and tree nuts. Oh well...business as usual...we decided to just keep on keeping on...actually, we had no choice.

Two weeks ago...we had the same tests done...same results, but this time I / we were a little more concerned because she tested major positive for tomatoes and onions, which we eat everyday...and green beans. It didn't make any sense, to me / us.

We were consulting with the doctor, and I was telling him basically he was a Voodoo Man and I was gonna put Yabu on his ass, and I / we didn't believe the diagnosis. There is no way she is allergic to some of the food groups she tested positive for...we eat 'em everyday. We were suspicious.

Bombshell:

He said maybe we should do some blood work.

Excuse me, but I said, "What the fuck are you talking about?" I don't care if it cost a million fucking dollars...do it...why didn't you do it before? The jury is still out on that one...I don't think the tests were available when this nightmare started...but I'm going to find out. Find out for certain. There will be no recourse; we just want to know.

My Sweetie goes in and gives 33 vials of blood...one for each food group that is suspect. The results come back with a BIG GOOSE EGG across the board. WTF is going on with that? The results state that she is allergic to NOTHING. They state that EVERY test she has had returned a false positive. WTF is going on with that?

11 Fucking Years!

There is no doubt that she went into Anaphylactic Shock on several occasions, but the cause was apparently misdiagnosed...multiple times. Something caused it for certain, but I don't think it was food...I think it was more likely environmental.

Two Days Ago:

She goes in for the Soy Challenge, because we just don't believe the results. The challenge is done in a controlled environment in the Allergists office or the emergency room...whatever is more convenient. I kid you not.

The doctor used Soymilk for this first test. His call. First they smeared some on her arm and checked it twenty minutes later, and then they put some on her lips, and then she drank a teaspoon, and then she drank a tablespoon, and then another tablespoon, and then she did a shot, and the she drank a cup...and there was no reaction. None Whatsoever.

What does this prove? I'm not sure, but I will say skin tests for food allergies are a bunch of voodoo. You are just as likely to have a false positive as not. Go for the blood work.

Note: We used several different doctors in different states, but until the blood analysis became available, we lived a different life.

Am I pissed? Yes and no. Are we going to pursue this, as in going after anyone? Absolutely not. Are we better cooks? Absolutely.

The next challenge (July) will be peanuts.

Life is good my friends, just understand we had second and third, and fourth, and fifth opinions...and they all got it wrong...except for this last guy.

This will be a life changing experience for us...in a positive way, but she will always have epinephrine with her, in an EpiPen. Always.