Oh, the evil laughter that escapes me...

For I, Key Monroe, have taken over this domain!

...Okay, now what to do? How about roast Sam?

5 reasons that I have every right to be envious of Sam:

1. He's there, and I'm not.

2. He's better at the whole time management thing. He invited me over, knowing I'll never be able to match his 4 to 5 posts a day, thereby coloring me slack. An accurate depiction? Utterly beside the point.

3. He's got a better house. Okay, so the Star Wars look is a little hard on the eyes, but, hey, permalinks, trackbacks, and NO retarded banners! ...oh my...I MAY just go crazy and trackback to my little heart's content.

4. He lives in Perfect (as seen on Walgreen's commercials). You know the storybook romances, the "true loves," the "soulmates," the relationships that the realists of the world tell us are fairy tales? Yeah well, Sam's got it. He and his lovely wife are living it. They have the sappy, affectionate, appreciative, support each other without getting jealous of each other relationship. If they choose to continue such shameless behavior, they could very well damage the cynical movement that I've come to know and love.

5. He and Barbie are there, and I'm not.

(I would insert pitiful pouty face here, but it doesn't look good on me...)